


Whatever I want

by KyloZen



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: BDSM, Bondage and Discipline, Dark Kylo Ren, Dominant Kylo Ren, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Forced Bonding, Forced Orgasm, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-01-16 03:13:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12334353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyloZen/pseuds/KyloZen
Summary: The peril of a force bond haunts Kylo Ren.Having captured Rey, he aims to take what he needs to stop the bond from torturing him. A simple thing can turn out to be more complicated than expected. Told from the perspective of Kylo Ren.Warning for doubtful consent at times and for explicit scenes.





	1. Cursed

**Author's Note:**

> This might or might not be a one-shot, depending on the readers opinions. Anyways, enjoy the kink!

I could not wait another second.  
The pull of the force had reached an entire new level of torture, now that she was here. Wearing the helmet as my only shield against the attentive guards outside the door, I cursed her once more under my breath. My brow was covered with cold dampness from the fever that had haunted me for weeks. The last couple of days it had denied me sleep as well as appetite. 

It had been no easy task, bringing the new apprentice of Luke Skywalker to the base. It had been a real nuisance making sure Luke was nowhere around when I acted. Also, there was no denying her powers. Or the way her fate was so intimately linked to mine.  
But _this?_

Until now, the force had been nothing more than an impersonal source of unlimited power to bend and wield at my command. Then, slowly, a capricious intelligence had emerged behind the faceless force; a grinning demon wielding _me_ for its own hidden purposes.

At first, I had mistaken the feeling for hate. The obsession with capturing and defeating her was nothing new. It was not only revenge, but a necessity. As long as she and Luke were left to their own devices, they were the single greatest threat to The Order. There had been no need for the Supreme Leader to voice the command to find and destroy them both. It was all I could think about since that humiliating, crushing defeat in the forest of Starkiller Base that night. 

Then, as the search for her proceeded, this nightmare had been materializing, discreetly enough to pass under the radar until it was too late.  
It was mutual. I knew it was. Our paths had crossed in visions and dreams during the chase. And when these visions became a blending of minds, I had seen it. This wicked, annihilating attraction burned her as much as it burned me. 

With the blood of Anakin Skywalker in my veins, I did not simply wield power. I _was_ power. This girl from nowhere had been given the same mind-staggering potential as my legendary bloodline, without as much as a sigh in the recorded history of the galaxy. People with this understanding of the force were fewer than the fingers of my hand. 

The irony was not lost. Behind this door was the prefect mirror of me, created by the unknown schemes of the force to be my opposite in everything. And yet to be all that I was. Fate had put her in my path to engage us in the age-old battle between light and darkness. And now it was pulling us together for a whole new reason. But why? Why spark the necessary hatred between us only to lead us down this path?

No matter. I had to end this and I had to do it fast. My sanity was coming apart by her mere presence on this base. I let the door slide aside and stepped in.  
She was exactly as I had left her; thoroughly immobilized. Her slender wrists were bound with metal shackles and lifted over her head by a potent chain, hanging from the roof. 

I had allowed her feet to touch the ground, enough for her to be able to spread her legs a little. Naturally, her feet was also chained to the floor. I knew all I needed to know about the strength in her kicks and those brutish close combat maneuvers. 

Still half unconscious from my sleeping spell and the drugs I had put into her system, she did not react as I told the guards inside the room to leave us. Her head hung down and her breathing was slow; almost peaceful. I envied her that sleep. 

The moment the guards were gone and the door locked, I took hold of her chin and lifted her head. Even though I had not dared to remove my gloves, the shock surged through me as if she was pure electricity. I had been careful to avoid skin contact since I caught her. My senses practically screamed out in warning of it. Still, the force roared its signature through the leather and left me frozen for seconds.

Looking at her did not help. Despite the sharply cut face, all its angles and curves were soft. The eyes were closed, but their otherworldly shape still perceivable. Underneath, a cluster of freckles spread out, like the starry sky at the Inner Rim, reaching over the straight nose with its small roundness at the tip. And then the half open lips with their full, alluring shape…

It was as mesmerizing now as it had been on Starkiller Base when she had been out cold for hours, leaving plenty of time for study. Only now, those features were not a mystery, but a trap.  
Her dark eyelashes trembled. Heavy eyelids rose. A moment of disorientation. Then her eyes focused on me. 

She jerked her head back- out of my grip- and looked away. The muscles in her face tensed into a stiff grimace. The gesture was abundantly clear. I bit my lip hard enough to taste blood.  
“You know why you are here.” I said.  
She tested the chains holding hands and feet. Frustration. Breathing shorter and faster, she gritted her teeth and glared at me.

“And like the coward you are, you hide your face!”  
I did not hesitate. Pulling the helmet off, I sent it crashing into the wall. I had not planned to be so dramatic, but the little patience I had left was running out.  
Her green eyes widened at the sight of my face. The link between us rippled, sizzling hot. I grabbed her jaw and leaned closer. Another tremor. She trashed against the chains. 

“Let me go!”  
“This is nothing! Believe me; I will make you suffer for all the trouble you’ve caused.”  
The scar burned as I said it. Strange how the fury and lust mingled. Even stranger how repulsive the idea was to hurt her. There were nausea, headache and all sorts of unpleasant reactions at the thought. 

There was nothing about her being the slightest appalling. Even now, as she hung bruised and battered from the recent battle, face flushed and damp from the fever, the strands of hair over her brow messy, she was more than likeable.  
I had to do it. It had to happen fast.

I tugged at her belt with my free hand, wincing from the sensation of the warm skin beneath the layers of fabric and leather. She cringed violently.  
“NO!”  
The scream was rattling. My hands froze. The worst part was the quick tear escaping her eye. I had seen it before. Not tears of submission, but the indignant tears by someone who believed she was in the hands of a monster. 

She obviously thought we were all savages on this base. I had expected trouble from her, but not to a point where rape would be the final solution. I had yet to test if I was even capable of such a thing. And a part of me, deep down, wanted her to give in to it freely, to admit the attraction and ask for my cooperation. 

“Why do you even resist?” I said. “You need this as much as I do!”  
“I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but I know that I’ll rather die than let you touch me!”  
“What _I_ have done?” I frowned, gripping her belt harder. “Haven't your master told you?”  
Skimming the surface of her thoughts was enough.  
“You haven't told him about this.” I stated.

That glare again. Then she averted her eyes.  
“I'll explain it to you. This disease we both share is called a _force bond_.” I moved my head closer to hers as I spoke, noting a slight tremble on her lips. I wanted my tongue inside that mouth. “There are only a handful of known cases, but I know your death wish might be fulfilled if you keep this up. The only way to get rid of it…”

I paused, sensing her reaction.  
Confusion and doubt.  
“You are lying.”  
“Am I? Search the force. You know it's true.”  
Her eyes closed. When she opened them again, there was plain despair.

“It gives me no pleasure, having to deal with this.” I said. “But I am not prepared to wither away as a result of your stubbornness.”  
In my mind I cursed her. I cursed those big, frightened eyes and the soft, trembling lips. My hand left her belt. It wandered slowly to her hip.  
“There is no need for this to get worse than it already is.” I whispered in her ear. “Let me take care of this.”

Her breathing was shallow. She struggled so hard against this merciless hunger. When she spoke, it was with a quiet, but clear voice.  
“I am ready to die.”  
I let go of her. The anger rose to my head quicker than I could handle.  
“Suit yourself then!” I snorted. “You will _beg_ me to finish this soon enough!”

I turned and marched out of the room.  
_“I will never beg!”_  
The door slid shut, drenching her voice.  
Why in the world did I leave? I had made a promise, not only to myself but to my master, to finish this tonight.

The craving increased the moment I was no longer near her. Knowing she was inside this room alone was maddening. I pulled the lightsaber out and ignited it, causing a number of the guards outside to flinch. I had walked down half the corridor, scorching the walls, when I realized that my helmet was still on the floor in that room.  
At that moment, I hated her more passionately than I thought possible. 

I almost ran back to the room.  
Entering and locking the door, I walked straight up to her. She hung heavily from the chain, as if unconscious. I knew she wasn’t.  
“Enough of this.” I said under my breath, lifting her head with both hands. 

The knee in my stomach came as an absolute surprise. The chain that had held her hands connected to the roof hit me in the face. I staggered back.  
Not possible.  
I had taken such precautions to make sure her bonds were too complicated to slip out of easily, even with the force as an ally.

She headed for the door and I threw myself over her instantly, trying to catch her hands. Fast as she was, I still managed to get a hold of her wrists. I received a harsh kick. Then I tackled her with my full weight, forcing us both down to the floor.  
One of her hands got free and as I fought to get on top of her, she pressed it against my face.  
The effect was horrifying.

No fabrics or gloves. Just pure skin contact.  
She might as well have pressed a hot iron stick to my face. We both froze. Her hand started to shake.  
I pressed my head down, letting my lips grace hers. I shouldn’t have. I pressed my mouth to hers instantly and caught her hand again, forcing both hands over her head.  
She moaned aloud; a perfect mix of yearning and discontent.

The wet heat when our tongues touched sent me for another spin. I held her hands hard, pressing my weight over her and locking her legs with mine. My ribs still ached from her foot and I did not intend to give her another chance to escape.  
There was no hiding my carnal reaction. She squirmed as it grew against her thigh.  
Such a conflicted mind. Not unlike my own. For my part, I decided to let all conflicts go. 

That was, until I sensed the fear.  
It was not of me. This moment shook her to the core for more than the obvious reason.  
I managed to separate my lips from hers.  
“Is this your first time?” I asked.  
The feverish blush spread up to her ears.

“It is none of your business. And I am not going any further with this!”  
I drew a deep breath, trying to gather any self-control I had left. This was turning into a dark fantasy with its own pleasant twist. I did not know how to take my eyes off her, or how to stop the annoying feeling of protectiveness.

I had planned to make this a quick tumble on the floor, easing the pressure and getting my wits back.  
Instead, she had once again caught me in her intriguing nature, getting me far too involved.  
I waved my hand. She instantly fell into deep sleep.  
I ran my hand over her face, hating how I trembled. Then I scooped her up in my arms and rose, holding her tightly. Passing the guards, I gave the order to repair the chain arrangement. Then we were on our way straight to my private rooms. 

Once inside my quarters, I made sure to lock every possible exit. I went straight for the bedroom after that, carefully putting her down on the sheets. She might be the enemy, but there was no reason to be unnecessarily cruel. I had been so caught up in the battle with a dangerous equal that I had not paid enough attention to her youth or circumstances. 

She was barely out of Jakku and had just begun her journey with the force.  
How could she have had any time to meet someone who would live up to her expectations when it came to intimacy? And then this broken side of her, the feeling of being unwanted and abandoned. The loneliness. I knew all about that. 

Seeing her on my bed was a whole new challenge.  
In a way, I had been lucky. What if the force bond had chosen someone else for me? There were alternative scenarios that I would prefer not to think about.  
I sighed and laid down next to her, leaning on my elbow. With the wave of my hand, she came to life again. 

There was a few seconds before she opened her eyes, gasped and made a sudden move to get away. I caught her upper arm.  
“Be still! If you go, we are both dead. At least you should be more comfortable now.”  
She pulled her arm free and sat up, but made no further attempt to leave the bed. Instead, she braced herself, caught up in an inner struggle. 

Desperate to touch her, I sat up as well and let my hand brush a few strands away from her brow.  
“All you need to do is cooperate. It doesn’t have to be bad.”  
She wouldn’t look at me. Another tear trailed down her cheek.  
“Why is this happening?” She whispered.  
The only possible answer I had found was not one to reveal if I wanted her to remain calm.

“Who knows?” I replied. “The important thing is that this ends. That we can both go on with our lives.”  
She looked away. I moved to sit in front of her, cupping her cheeks. They were burning hot. A small drop of sweat was running down her throat, finding the cavity between the keybones and continuing down the slope under her clothes. The shape of her small, soft breasts had me hypnotized for a second.

Her feverish smell was intoxicating. My mouth got closer to hers again, slower than my instincts wanted me to. When my lips touched hers, she whimpered, keeping her mouth half open.  
I leaned in, coaxing her down on her back. Once again I was over her and another step closer to get release. 

Kissing her was way too good. Addictive. She moved her lips only vaguely in response, still fighting to control this thing that could not be controlled.  
I pulled my gloves off and touched the bare skin of her neck. As the wave of pleasure hit us both, she made a small noise that drove me insane. 

Getting a firm hold of her head, I kissed her deeper. Her hands came up to press against my chest. Then they moved tentatively up to my shoulders and clung to them.  
Holding the pressure back was painful. I needed to finish this faster than I was comfortable with.  
Breaking the kiss, I caught her eyes.  
“Remove your trousers.” I breathed.

I straddled her and started to unbutton my own, fingers shaking from the building urgency.  
She lowered her eyes.  
Her fingers moved to the waist, touching the ribbons that needed to be untied. My trousers were down the necessary inches even before she had begun working with the knot. Beneath all the thirst for this, she was terrified. 

“Do it.” I said, trying to sound persuasive. “I will go as gently as possible.”  
More tears as she started untie the last barrier between us. It was deeply disturbing on an unexpected level. Why did I pity her, after all she had done? I laid down over her again, stroking her cheeks and hair, kissing her mouth and neck in hope to somehow ease her suffering. I even kissed some of her tears.

Then her trousers were open and there was no way back. I traced a hand along her neck, over the collar bone and down to one of the tempting breasts. It was very satisfying, covering it so completely, feeling her hard nipple beneath the fabric press against my palm. Her heart was beating wildly. I continued down over her ribs and stomach, until I reached the lining of the trousers.  
She had a start. Catching my wrist she gave me a pleading look. 

I have no idea why it had such an arousing effect. I kissed her lips reassuringly and nibbled at her lower lip, while letting my hand pass the border. I touched her thighs first, enjoying the smooth, hard muscles under my fingers. Then, despite her squirming, I found the warm, moist spot. The moment my fingers rested against it, she stopped moving. The shocks of pleasure took over. I felt it pulsating against my fingers. 

She was apparently ready. I pried the tip of my finger inside, hearing her breath coming in gasps. She grabbed my arms, holding them as if she would fall otherwise. She was as tight as could be expected. My size would probably not be pleasant for her. I needed to get her as open and prepared as possible. 

The image of my master flashed by, giving me a reproaching look for showing her any compassion. Then another image. Leia, the resistance leader and my former mother, looking just as reproaching for the opposite reason.

I shoved it away, deciding to let my own judgement decide. This was just between me and Rey. Nobody else needed to be involved.  
I slid the finger in just a little more and put my thumb on her small nub once I found it. There was a wave of responses from her. New sensations, unexpected pleasure and anxiety. I tried to connect with her mind, but she blocked me.

I locked eyes with her, trying to get my intention across. Too much suspicion.  
“It is only to know what you feel.” I whispered. “To make sure you are comfortable.”  
Now there was confusion. I tried connecting again. This time she let me in a little, but only enough to know her bodily sensations. It made her very uncomfortable at first, but as I started to move my thumb slowly, searching for the strongest reaction, she softened the mental barriers. 

This was the outer limit to her resistance. She let go and closed her eyes, moaning with dark red cheeks as I found out how she wanted to be touched. I had to imagine all kinds of disgusting things not to finish too fast. As a small mercy, she was very close as well.  
Rising her hips and throwing her head to the side, she moaned the pinnacle out aloud, as I felt it pound through our connection. Her thighs shook and clenched my hand. 

The ecstasy was so intense she bordered on unconsciousness. While she was in the middle of it, I withdrew my hand and entered her. I had to push harder than expected. She cried aloud, trying to gather her senses enough to stop me. The flouting against me with feet and hands was not strong enough and it did not matter. In seconds, I had forced myself all the way into the deliciously tight heat and with the first thrust, I came. 

I had never felt anything like it. I had been with a few other temporary partners, knowing a variety of pleasures. Never had the release been so agonizingly strong. There seemed to be no end to the pulsating twitches and her inner walls cramping against me only made it worse.  
All the days I had taken the matter into my own hands, only to get the sour result that did not give any satisfaction at all had finally ended. Something eased up. The force granted me a break.

I collapsed over her, breathing as heavily as she did. She was in pain. Reluctantly, I withdrew.  
The rich amounts of seed came dripping out of her, mingled with fresh blood. Her jaw was tense. She rolled to the side, away from me, and curled her legs up.  
The fever still hammered in my head. I laid down behind her and wrapped my arms around the slender body. She did not stop me.

The only sounds she made were quiet sobs.  
“It’s done.” I murmured. “This should be over soon.”  
“I want to go home.”  
My arms tightened their grip.  
“No. We need to make sure this goes away without further action. And you are still my prisoner.”

She sighed sharply.  
“You are still feverish, like me.” I argued. “I need assurance.”  
Secretly, it was not only the lingering fever that made me hold on to her. It was pleasant being close to such a beautiful creature.  
“When will we know?” She asked.

“I don’t have this information. I’ll make sure we get food in a moment. Then we can discuss your future as a captive here.”  
She huffed. Despite her anger, she did not try to get away from me. The need for bodily contact was too great. Gradually, she started to relax, probably realizing there was nothing else to do for now.

We waited.  
The bond should have been completed by now. I should, as the old scriptures put it, have impregnated her properly and sent the illness on its way. Once she found out, she could do whatever she wished with the knowledge. I had no plans for parenthood in my future. Perhaps, neither had she. Though, if she chose to keep the offspring, it could rise as a potent and dangerous enemy, as skilled with the force as we were. 

I needed to think this through thoroughly.  
But for now, there was nothing but hunger and thirst, a craving for more of her and the troubling engagement in her feelings. Her abandonment issues were surfacing, conflicting with the reservations she felt against me.  
“I'll be watching over you personally.” I said, kissing her neck.


	2. Complications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems I can't leave this story alone quite yet. So while I struggle with the hardships of the chapter on It's just now, I need to write a bit on the side. there is a plot forming and i have to know where it goes. Thank you for reading and liking!  
> Also, bear in mind that this is a bdsm-themed fanfic, which might not be for everyone. It is quite light BDSM though and for everyone who is aware of the true rules of BDSM, this is a fantasy, not an attempt to depict BDSM realistically.  
> Although I want to keep an intimacy in it and lead it to a good place.  
> But for now, Kylo is caught up in a struggle between his A-hole side and the little light there is left in him. Enjoy!

Dinner was awkward.  
We sat at opposite ends of my small table and tried to chew the food as casually as possible, while avoiding any kind of conversation. The screaming tension between us was enough.  
Leaving the bed had only confirmed the worst. The familiar dizziness returned, along with the rigors. I knew she felt it too.  
Once again, it was only a matter of time.

Then there was her accusing glare every time she looked up from the plate.  
Every remnant of conscience I had left was tormenting me tirelessly. At least I had ordered special officer’s food with fresh ingredients for us. Maybe I could offer her a clean set of clothes.  
Or maybe I could stop obsessing about what she needed. 

It took only one look at her to get the torment back with full force.  
The intimate act had hardly been perfect. That wounded part of her that I had sensed the last time she was my prisoner laid open and she did everything to hide it. I couldn’t stand seeing her like this.  
I cleared my throat and put the fork down. 

“We should work out a plan to make this easier.” I said. “This obviously isn’t over.”  
She threw a Corellian apple core on the plate and drew a deep breath, as if trying to control herself. I had done the same breathing trick many times, with various results.  
“You can start with telling me everything you know about this.”  
“I already have.”

“Really? Two sentences were all you could find?”  
“I told you, denying the effects of this leads to certain death.”  
“And when does it end?”  
I was silent for a few seconds.  
“It’s supposed to stop once the bond is fulfilled.”

She leaned forward and slammed her fist into the table.  
“What does that mean exactly?”  
“You better calm down! I won’t tolerate this behavior!”  
Snorting, she leaned back and looked away.

“So you don’t know?” She stated.  
At some point she would know and then she would hate me even more. I really should tell her.  
“It will end when you… concieve.”  
She frowned.  
“Concieve what?”

Then her eyes grew wide.  
_“What?”_  
She gripped the armrests so hard her knuckles turned white.  
I had never seen her look like that. Wronged, terrified and furious all at once.  
“You will be able to terminate it immediately after. I can’t imagine it will make a difference.”

It could very well make a difference. But I was not ready to go there yet myself.  
“I would like to use the bathroom.” She said in a low voice.  
“Now?”  
“I want to throw up.”

I bore my eyes into her, scanning for the truth.  
She was a little nauseated, but not enough.  
“You don’t need the bathroom.”  
“Fine. I just need to get away from you.”

“You won’t be left alone for a second while you’re here. Get used to it.”  
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence.  
“I can’t believe you did not tell me.”  
“I just did.”

“And now you expect me to cooperate?”  
“If we work together on this we will save ourselves a lot of pain. Also, we get to live.”  
She shook her head slowly.  
“It’s not going to happen.”  
“We don’t have a choice.”

“No. I mean it can’t happen. I’m using contraceptives.”  
I blinked. Then I was on my feet, the chair crashing to the floor.  
_“What?_ Which contraceptive? Why are you using it? You weren’t even…are you seeing someone?”  
I paused for air. That last question should never have slipped out. 

There was no reply. She just watched as I walked over to her seat, gazing down at her as demandingly as I could. It was painful standing this close. The smell of her alone was enough to increase the fever. I did not want this to get out of hand.  
“Is the contraceptive removable within a short span of time?” I asked.

“I took a shot. It is supposed to last for months.”  
“When did you take it?”  
“Two weeks ago.”  
The Force bond had been painfully strong for at least three weeks. She must have felt it and decided to go further with whatever love interest she had, creating a distraction so she wouldn’t think about me. 

Who was this person, enjoying her admiration? No one within The Resistance could possibly match her in power or in understanding of the force. Then again, there were a number of self-proclaimed heroes who should be eager to catch the attention of the new, special girl. Since she bothered with contraceptives, it should be a male. Poe? Or was it still FN-2187?

“There has to be a way to undo the effects.” I said. “I will send for the medic droids.”  
“Right.” Her voice wavered.  
“They’ll only take a few blood tests. It should be enough.”  
She nodded, swallowing. Her skin grew paler beneath the fever blush.

“I meant it.” I said quietly. “I want us to come to an agreement in how we handle this. Despite what you think, it brings me no pleasure to torture you in this particular way.”  
She looked me straight in the eye. A second later, she was scanning my mind for something. I shut her out.  
Then I stretched my hand out .

“You probably want to get clean and change clothes. Come with me.”  
She rose, but did not take my hand. I laid a hand on her shoulder, wincing forcefully from the contact, and lead her to the bathroom.  
Once inside, I motioned to the shower space. 

“Do what you need to do. I’ll stand here.”  
Arms crossed over the chest, she viewed me skeptically.  
“No, you will not be left alone in here.” I stated. “But I’ll give you this promise. Nothing will happen in here unless you take the initiative.”  
Why did I just say that? She should not be left with that decision.

“Would you turn around?” She asked, slowly starting to unbuckle her belt.  
After a silent struggle, I turned away and tuned in to the force to reveal any attempt from her side to strike me down or escape. Hearing the rustling of her clothes as they fell to the floor was maddening. The shower was activated and I heard the splashing from her ministrations.  
I turned my head to cast a quick glance. Stupid move.

The shape of her, shiny from the running water, rubbing her hands against the skin, wet strands of hair at the brow and neck…  
I needed to do something right away, get the frustration out, anything!  
At a loss, I just grabbed a towel and squeezed it hard, counting the seconds until she was done.  
The moment the shower came to a stop, I turned and held the towel out for her to step into.

She frowned and covered her intimate parts, but stepped into the towel from behind. I swept it around her and as she took over and held it tightly wrapped, I laid my hands on her shoulders and turned her around gently.  
My hands were shaking and I hated it.  
She was the first to break the silence.

“It still hurts. If you do what you did the last time, I’ll knock your teeth out.”  
For a second, I lost my composure. Then it was back.  
“Sounds fair.” I said stiffly. “Though it cannot be avoided forever. Anything else?”  
I was so close to kissing her again. Would she even let me? Last time she cooperated, but then we were both too far gone.

“Rey.” I whispered. “Tell me what to do. This can’t be held back for long.”  
Her face gained more color. She looked to her feet, opening her mouth and closing it again. The urgency of this was radiating from her and there was such a struggle.  
“Don’t fight it.” I tried. “It will only get worse.”  
Somehow I had slowly managed get her back against the tiled wall. 

I leaned my face closer, hoping that she would catch on.  
She fastened the towel around her chest. Then she gave me such a push I staggered back.  
“Nothing will happen unless I take the initiative?! Nice!”  
“What do you expect from me?” I shouted. “Don’t think for a second that I don’t see how much you fight to stay in control! You’re killing us both!”

“I expect _nothing_ from you!”  
“I did nothing! Get a hold of yourself!”  
“ _You_ get a hold of yourself!”  
I stood frozen and fought to get my breathing to slow down. She would not win this argument.

“I fought this too.” I said, keeping my voice at a normal level. “For a long time. Even after I knew what this was, I fought. Then I decided that I had not survived this long only to die for something that is so easily remedied. You have survived impossible perils to get this far. Would you throw it all away for this?”  
“The truth is, I have not yet decided.”

There it was. She was actually ready to die rather than be intimate with me.  
“It could have been a lot worse.” I snarled. “You could have been force bonded to Luke. Or to my master!”  
Then I walked out and slammed the door shut.  
Big mistake.

She was not supposed to be left alone. Why did I have to do these dramatic exits around her? Going back in now would strengthen the notion that I was out of control.  
I grabbed my com link and kept watching the bathroom door while ordering medic droids, fresh clothes and underwear for her. 

I added a few other items, such as a holo pad containing books, music and other distractions. I also made sure to get simple food for her to snack on between meals. I had noticed her strong anxiety for not controlling the access to food. Jakku couldn’t have been a pleasant place to grow up. 

I practiced with my lightsaber while I waited, hoping to get distracted from thinking about her naked skin.  
The delivery came before she had stepped out of the bathroom. Basic clothing for Stormtroopers minus the armor and a few casual clothes for officers. I grabbed a set of them and gave the door a few sharp knocks.

“There are clean clothes outside this door!”  
No reply.  
“I’ll leave them right here and back off.” I added sourly, dropping the clothes outside and resuming my training with the saber. There was a new forcefulness in my cuts. Maybe I could channel this constructively in battle?

The door opened. In the corner of my eye I saw her snatch the clothes and close the door again.  
Suddenly the table was cut in half by my lightsaber. I sighed. There would have to be another table and Hux would made a snide remark like he always did when I had broken something and added costs to the repairs of the base. 

I walked to a metal armchair in the corner and grabbed my holo pad, keeping half an eye on the closed door. I flickered through some pages of a book my master had ordered me to read on the effects of force bonding. Only ten pages of the volume covered the subject and I had read it at least ten times.  
It was the part about the uniting of minds that bothered me the most. 

__

_The force always strives for balance. It has been known to let this strife take shape in its practitioners, slowly drawing minds and bodies together until the unavoidable union creates a new platform for it to manifest.  
_ I could already sense her feelings without making an effort. Once we had done the bidding of the force, where would that leave us? Would our minds come apart or was I doomed to carry her with me forever? It could be very unpractical when it came to military secrets.

Finally, Rey emerged from the bathroom. She had put on a white basic tank top but kept her vest over it and replaced her soiled pants with grey military ones.  
I pretended not to care about her for about three seconds before the surface cracked. I rose and faced her.

She walked up to me, putting her hand on my chest. Then she grabbed both my arms and shoved me into the wall, getting on her toes to reach my mouth. I caught her lips instantly, digging my tongue into her mouth, and grabbed her arms as hard as she held mine. I switched positions with her without breaking the kiss. Once her back was braced against the wall, she hooked her legs to my waist.

I had no idea what was happening, but I was not going to risk everything by questioning it.  
Holding my arm tightly around her, I got us to the bed, covering her as the kiss got more intense. I bit her lip and continued biting and sucking her throat, leaving a trail of red marks. She moaned aloud, pressing up against me.  
Then she pushed to get on top and straddled me while attacking my mouth and throat the same way I attacked hers. 

I snuck my hands under her shirt and savored the soft, hot skin underneath. She fought with my tunic, pulling to get it off without results. I unbuckled my belt and threw the tunic off faster than I had ever done. Her hand went beneath my black tank top, running over my stomach and up to my chest. I pulled the tank top off as well and pushed her down to get on top again.  
She rid herself of the vest, but not the tank top. 

I finally dared to put my hand directly at her breast, cupping it carefully not to waste the chance I just got. She gasped and froze. Our eyes met. There was the same surge, the same strange recognition as the very first time I had met her in the forest of Takodana. Only now it was stronger, more familiar. As if I had always known her. At that moment, I knew we shared the same experience.

I leaned down and kissed her again, this time with more tenderness.  
She pushed me over again, landing on top, and started to unbutton my trousers. This time it was me making a gasping sound. I wanted to get her pants off so desperately, but had no courage to even touch them. Her threat before sounded too serious.

Once she had my pants open, a nervous hand stroked over my crotch. I was rock hard already and had no idea it could get any harder the way it did now. It was agonizing. Cheeks burning furiously red, she took her own pants off, but kept the underpants on. Then she straddled me again, slowly rubbing her swollen nub against my hard limb. 

The contact exploded in my head. As she leaned over, I caught her arms to make sure she wouldn’t move away. It seemed she had no intention to. Breathing speeding up and moans becoming more passionate, she rocked her hips until the pleasure became impossible to hold back. Then it rushed over her. She leaned into my arms, letting me carry her weight while she wriggled and gasped, small shocks coursing through her. 

This time I waited until she relaxed and fell over me, gasping for air. Then I turned her over one last time, pressing close between her legs and finished the way she had, by using the friction against her damp pants. Then I laid down over her, careful not to put on too much weight. The warm sticky, mess against our bellies felt oddly satisfying.  
Without a word, she snuck out from underneath me and left the bed, heading for the bathroom.

Before entering it, she turned and gave me a cold gaze. Accusing.  
“Rey!” I called, feeling the anger rise.  
She was definitely not going to be left alone in the bathroom this time. I rushed up and ran after her, using the emergency button to undo the lock before storming in. 

She had a start when I came in and tried to avoid my hands as I grasped for her.  
The room was too small. In a moment I had her caught between me and the wall, holding her throat in a choking grip.  
“Do not think you can go about this any way you want!” I hissed.  
She coughed and I loosened the grip a little. That was a mistake. 

Using the distraction, she managed to sink a knee into my crotch. I cried out and she slipped out of my grip. Unlike her, I had been trained to use pain to my advantage, transforming it to raw power. This time, it was tapped to catch her leg as I was heading for the floor. She screamed and fell. I wasted no time hauling her in, getting several kicks and punches on the way. 

The pain was so harsh I saw red stars dancing in the room. I pinned her wrists to the floor and sat on top of her, locking her legs with my own. She struggled some more before pausing to rest her muscles. Panting heavily, she lifted her head and spat in my face. I knew she wanted to trick me into letting her hand go, so I stayed put, glaring at her.  
“That was a very bad move.” I said, trying to keep my voice from wavering.

I was set on punishing her very hard for this, but the sight of her tears and the strength of the bond made the thought revolting. It didn’t matter. I had to.  
“Why are you so upset?” She breathed. “I helped you. Now you feel the way I do. It should keep you from doing anything rash for a few days!”  
“I have no idea what your game is, but I hope you remember that you were the one who tried to kill me the first time we met. Then, in the forest, you tried again. You do not have the moral high ground here!”

“Don’t you think I know? Finn told me how you ordered all the villagers killed on Jakku! How many more such orders have you given? And then I saw you! You murdered your own father! How _could_ you?!”

My blood turned cold. I desperately tried to get a word out, but I couldn’t. Nearly every day and night since that horrible confrontation had been misery at best. There was only nightmares now, only days when constantly questioning everything I did.  
She knitted her eyebrows, seemingly confused.  
I swallowed, pulling myself together the best I could. 

“You’d make a perfect acolyte for the dark side.” I said, aiming the force at her.  
She fell asleep, arms and legs relaxing. She was beautiful when at peace.  
Even when eating like a savage and casting hateful glances, she was impossibly beguiling.  
I felt pangs of guilt as I gathered her in my arms. For a while I just sat there, holding her close to my chest. 

I understood her actions perfectly. All the sacrifices to become who I was meant to be weighed like a heavy load, chained to my feet. Not one of these orders and actions she mentioned had given me any peace. And she was not the first one consumed by disgust and revenge over the deeds I had done.  
I had no desire at all to make her pay. But if I did not, after this long road I had suffered, then what had it all been for? 

First I dressed. Then, reluctantly, I swept her into a sheet and carried her out of the room and back into the interrogation chamber where she had been chained. Everything was repaired. I arranged her the same way she had been as she arrived to the base. Good thing she was not awake. It would had been impossible to explain why I went at it so tenderly. 

When it was done, I sank down against the wall and took some time to recover from the pain between my legs. Then I rose and waved my hand.  
She woke up.


	3. Punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the story was not a one-shot. I feel I need to give it some more chapters. :-)  
> PLEASE check the tags above! They are updated and if you know they are not your cup of Reylo, there are a number of great fics to turn to instead.  
> There are BDSM-elements in this story and I know perfectly well how BDSM should be managed IRL, with complete mutual consent, etc. This is a fantasy. I hope you will enjoy it as one.  
> Let me know if you like it! Hope you're having a great weekend!  
> (Less than a month to TLJ!!!)

Her head rose slowly, eyes finding mine.  
I stood in front of her, closer than an arm’s length. She pulled at the chains, but only to confirm they were there.  
“What is this?” She asked.  
“Did you expect to wake up in bed, after what you did?”  
I moved closer.

She looked around and then down at her scarce clothing. She wore only the tank top and her underwear. Irresistible.  
I stroked her cheek with my thumb. She tried to turn her face away. I reached for the back of her head and grabbed a handful of her hair, pulling her head back. She let out a startled noise.

“I think you are under the misconception that you have a choice in all this.” I said calmly.  
Her throat was bared. The string of red bruises that I had left when biting her were deepening in color. I liked that she was marked. The idea of her in bed with some delusional boyfriend made me feel sick.  
I stroked the marks with certain pressure to make her feel them.

Again, her reaction to what I did washed over me.  
Arousal. Then shame for the lack of control, for having forbidden desires and for letting this significant other down.  
I concentrated hard, trying to get the face of her lover into focus. I really needed to know.

She shut me out. Only the sea of emotions remained, now permanently joined with mine. There were lust, grief and a searing need to be comforted, to be held and cared for.  
The light inside her was blinding me. Again, there was this unwanted whisper of pity.  
I wanted so badly to give her what she needed, in all possible ways. The bond was burning me alive, urging me to close the distance between us.

Not yet. If I didn’t stay strong now I would lose the upper hand once and for all.  
“You need to be punished and you know it.” I said, trying to gather all fever thoughts into a structured plan. All of the usual torture methods felt repelling when it came to her.  
“Kylo Ren is not even your real name.”  
I pulled her hair hard. Once again, she gasped. 

“That is my _only_ true name. How about yours? Do you even know where it’s from?”  
Silence. The sting was felt in me too. This was not going to be easy for any of us.  
I released her hair and let both hands slide down the sides of her body, coming to a halt by her hips. Her breath was shaky, but I could tell she was not intimidated enough.  
“You…” She breathed. “You have destroyed _everything_.”

“I have not even begun.”  
The heat from her hips was too distracting. My hands had no wish to let go. It took a great feat of strength to turn away from her.  
I let a metal door on the wall slide aside, revealing all sorts of torture instruments; electrical sticks, nail removers and even whips. 

There. Her fear was trickling into the bond.  
Wasn’t this what I wanted? Why did my discomfort increase with hers?  
I turned to her again, studying her silently for seconds. The green eyes were large and the cheeks had gone pale. There was so much purity in her features; so much innocence.  
What was I thinking? I would never use any of these instruments on her.

But what then? I had to do _something_.  
As it turned out, she chose for me. The moment I took a step towards her, a violent force shoved me into the wall and held me there. Her lids were now half-closed, eyes rolled back. No one, save for my master, had ever offered such a powerful challenge. It took nearly all I had to move and when I did I was very restricted.

Time to change tactics. I shot into her head, aiming for the most private corners. As I had guessed, she was not yet trained to concentrate on two feats simultaneously. All her focus rushed into protecting her mind.  
When I was released, I remained standing by the wall, pressing harder to break through her defenses.  
All force was shaped into a spear and thrown at one goal only: The identity of her boyfriend.

She held me back impressively long, even pushing me out the way she had done once before. Then I laid the trap. Relenting, I weakened my defense and allowed her to get inside my head. Her triumph seethed so wildly that for a second, her guard was gone.  
I struck.

He emerged, as clear as any picture on Captain Phasma’s computer screens; the traitor FN-2187. As I thought. He would be easy to deal with.  
There was more to see. The desperate search for belonging, for a family. The tragic deceits and disappointments again and again. My face, the first time she saw me without the helmet. Instant attraction and then repression. There was something… 

In panic, she struck with furious, unregulated power, slamming right through my last defense, into the worst possible place. The floor seemed to give way.  
She was with me on the bridge at Starkiller base, with Han Solo. She stood beside me as I retired to my private quarters after being saved from the forest and healed, seeing how I sat by the bed with head in hands. She saw my nightmares and felt the constant gritting pain that followed my every step. 

I attacked immediately, forcing her backwards. She tried to access other things, touching on my intentions for her. I pushed harder, nearly panicking. She was way too strong to be this untrained.  
The moment I got her out, she stopped the attack. 

There was just these wide eyes now, staring at me in a very uncomfortable way. The hatred was gone, replaced by shock… and sympathy.  
I snorted, raising my hand. If she thought I’d let this go, she was wrong. The decision of how to punish her was taken in the heat of the moment, but it turned out to be perfect. 

Her defenses rose to protect her head, but I was nowhere near it.  
She had a start as she felt the small bundle of nerves under her belly come to life. I let it spread, setting the threads on fire up to her breasts, forcing them to hum with overstimulation, sending blood down between her thighs, tickling and pressuring.

She cringed and squirmed, gasping. A perfect blush spread across her face.  
I started to walk towards her, slowly.  
“Isn’t this what you want?” I said. “Not needing to take responsibility for this?”  
She opened her mouth to say something, but only a small whimper came out. The climax was approaching and she desperately tried to avert her face from me, hopelessly fighting against the chains to bring her thighs together.

She came hard, with gasps and moans, losing her footing. I took a firm hold of her jaw and forced her to face me.  
“I could get used to watching this.” I murmured.  
I really could. In fact, I had no idea how I was going to tear myself away from this.  
The moment the orgasm settled, leaving her heaving and flushed, I began stimulating her again.  
She let out a startled yelp and gave me a reproaching look, quickly turning dazed by the forced arousal. 

The blood was rushing in me too. I would much rather have her in bed, seeing her enjoy this voluntarily. But taking this pleasure from her, wave after wave, having her at the mercy of my powers, was wildly satisfying.  
The shifts in her face as the pleasure took her once more held me mesmerized. She moaned louder this time, trembling as small drops appeared on her brow. 

I started it a third time, letting it build a little slower.  
My hand stroked her back gently, down over her buttocks and to her wet thighs. Surprisingly, she stopped struggling, closing her eyes. There was conflict in her features, but it was waning, overtaken by the new pleasure I fed her.  
Her lips were trembling in that irresistible way again.  
I leaned in, concentrating on her mind. What I did to her had scattered all defenses. The push I received back was too weak. A flood of emotions rushed forth, all in war with one another. 

There was the physical stimulation, yes, but the real revelation was her mental enjoyment. And she was as shocked as I was. There was something about being a helpless subject to my whims that set every part of her on fire.  
She was not the only one burning. The force had chosen very well, after all. 

“Please…” she whispered.  
My heart nearly stopped.  
“Are you begging?” I sent an extra strong pulse through her as I asked.  
She flinched, her face the same dark red as it had been in my bed. Her eyes remained closed as she fought against the mounting explosion.

“Don’t…” she gasped. “Please…”  
“But you want this so badly.” My voice was soft despite the heat in it. “You have to promise me to follow my every command while you are here and make me believe it. Until then, I am in no hurry to end this.”  
I took a small step closer to have her body pressed to mine. As the ecstasy took her once more I kissed her head, cradling it in my hand as I held her close. 

The strong pleasure had hardly settled before I began it again. Her whimpers became more distressed.  
“Will you promise?” I whispered.  
She made a defiant sound.  
I was painfully hard from watching this. My mind had gone lost somewhere in her damp skin and raptured sighs. It was hard to say which one of us was being tortured the most.

I stroked her underwear before letting the whole hand slip underneath the cloth. The high-pitched gasps leaving her lips pushed me further into madness. I probed at her opening. The amount of wetness there was very revealing. Her hips moved the little they could. I stared at her so intensely my eyes almost teared up.  
There was want from her, an urge to feel something inside that would calm the furious itch from my treatment.

Then I sensed it. The brutality of this was not about forced pleasure. Every time I sent an orgasm rippling through her, it left her empty and more frustrated than ever. The bond only made it worse, giving her no real bodily satisfaction. Unless I took her, the fever would escalate fast until it became impossible to endure. This was torture in a more twisted form than I had intended. 

“Tell me what you want, Rey.” I did not sound entirely stable anymore.  
When she did not reply, I pressed two fingers inside. Deliciously tight, despite all the moisture.  
The cramps began almost immediately. Her orgasm was loud, perfectly mingled with agony. She was clenching my fingers again and again, every part of her shivering and her legs refusing to lend any support. 

I held her by the waist as the stormy waves settled, ripping her underwear off with one harsh pull.  
Small noises left with her breath, as her head fell against my chest. It took a second to realize she was trying to shape words.  
“What was that?” I said, dropping the fabric and lifting her head.  
“Do it.” She breathed, lowering her eyes as her skin gained a deeper shade of red. 

The little balance I had left was lost.  
“You want more?” I replied, charging her nerves with fresh stimulation.  
_“No! Please!”_ Tears clung to her dark eyelashes.  
“Then what? Say it!”  
“Please, please… take… me.”  
There was such a dark, pleasant jolt inside that I had to pause for a second not to lose it completely.

“Will you obey me then?”  
Her eyes met mine. Still some fragment of defiance left. I could not resist sending a shockwave through her.  
She wailed, tears running as she wriggled in my grip.  
Her body was burning, the heat reaching me even through the clothes. Denying her the union for much longer could be dangerous. I unbuttoned my pants, nearly ripping the fly apart in the process.

Then I gripped her jaw again, pressing against her to make sure she felt what was waiting.  
“I know you are still sore.” I said. “When it hurts, remember how you begged for it.”  
She could not look directly at me. A part of her was annihilated by this.  
I released her jaw and waved towards the control panel managing the chains. Her legs was released and the chain holding her wrists was slightly hoisted upwards to get in level with me. 

Her feet kicked weakly into the air before I caught her legs, bringing them up to have her thighs against my hips. Wet and trembling, she hooked her feet together behind my back, breathing faster as I placed the tip of my sex against her tight opening. Despite the urgency, I pressed in slower this time, savoring the pleasure and watching her closely as she clenched her teeth and made pleading sounds, reflexively squirming from the discomfort. 

Our earlier brawl had left me with a certain soreness as well, but the bond seemed to turn the pain into fuel the moment I entered.  
I took a firm hold of her hips and started to thrust inside her. We had both entered a raging inferno, our minds connecting on their own. The world was burning and we were the only ones in it, floating in and out of each other, being one and sometimes two.

She was moaning desperately, her cheeks wet from both pain and relief.  
I wrapped my arms around her, gripping the nape of her neck as I spilled my ecstasy into her. Her face was buried in my shoulder, muffled sobs blending with my heavy breathing. 

The climax had once again been obliterating, showing me new levels of pleasure I never knew existed. The temporary peace it brought sent cool water over the fire.  
Rey was still in need of attention. She was panting, burning and struggling to roll her hips against me, trying anything to get the only kind of release that would give her the temporary freedom I just had. 

I tightened my embrace, limiting her movements considerably.  
“No…!” She moaned, squirming with the little strength she had left.  
“Do you swear to follow all my orders?” I hissed into her ear.  
“Kylo, _please!_ ”  
Oh, the way she said my name…

“Swear it.” My fingers slid between our bodies, down her belly and stopped just before they reached the desired spot.  
I was still inside, embraced by her tight, stretched walls, feeling them pound from the pain. Even so, the need raging in her was stronger.  
“I swear… please…”

In a rush of affection, I kissed her wet cheek and put two fingers on the small knot of throbbing flesh. She inhaled sharply, succumbing to whimpers and moans as the fingers worked her. Then her whole body tensed. Seeing her flushed face as she cried the climax out was a sensation. The rhythmic spasms around my sex threatened to keep it hard and ready for a second session.

But she was spent, going limp in my arms as I released her hands from the last chain and sank to the floor, still holding her tightly. The moment I drew out of her, she curled up in my arms, shaking and crying against my chest as I would not loosen my grip. 

I could sense her struggle. One side wanted to get away from me and the other could not have enough intimacy.  
I stroked her hair and kissed it, filled with an overwhelming tenderness.  
That our desires would match each other this well had been far too much to hope for. To me, it had been a revelation. To her, a profound shock.

As her confused emotions ran through me, I realized that she had never even allowed herself to think about a pleasure as dark as this; to surrender and serve for someone else’s pleasure. And since she had discovered it with me, it was tearing her apart.  
“Don’t fight it.” I murmured. “Let it be, just this moment.”  
I continued to stroke her hair until the sobs weakened and turned into unsteady breathing. 

“I will bring you back to the room.” I said. “But there will be no more denying the bond. From now on, you will cooperate in all ways necessary.”  
Though there were stirs of a rebellion in her, she was too distraught to protest. I received no confirmation, but it did not really matter. For now, I had the upper hand and she knew it. 

I took my cloak off and swept it around her small shape. Then I lifted her and carried her back to the room. She let it happen, her legs too weak to carry her. I was nearly as exhausted as she was. The fever had been allowed to rage for too long before we took it down and the thought of resting in bed with her was very appealing.

Two medical droids were waiting outside my door as I arrived. I opened my mouth to bark them away, but realized the next instant what they were doing there.  
“Wait here.” I said to them. “Do not move until I call you inside.”  
I strode past them, in to the privacy of my quarters, and went straight to the bed. 

There I put her down on the mattress as gently as I could. The covers were probably more pleasant to use, but the sight of her in my black cloak was too beguiling.  
I fetched a bottle of water and put my arm under her head, lifting it and putting the bottle to her mouth. After the initial instinct to avert her face, she realized what was in the bottle and drank from it greedily. 

When she was done, I put the bottle away and laid down beside her. She started to turn away, but I caught her in my arms.  
“No.” I said. “We rest the way I want.”  
Despite being only half conscious, she started to brace her hands against me, grunting in disagreement. I took her wrists, squeezing them hard. 

“You swore.” I snarled. “Don’t think it would be below me to put you back in those chains and violate you at any time I felt like it.”  
She stopped resisting within seconds.  
Her hazy glare was reproaching, but there was a naked vulnerability hovering right behind it, allowing me to let her go and wrap my arms around her, pressing us together. 

Her heart was beating frantically against me. I stroked her head and back until her pulse calmed down. She had her head under my chin and arms crossed over her chest as if trying to protect it.  
I did feel sympathy for her. There was no use denying it.  
But that was not all.

There was a violent thirst in me now, not caused by the bond. It was for _her;_ for everything that she was. For who she was with _me_. I wanted to drink from that light every day; enjoy her in all ways possible. My entire life, I had been lacking a fundamental part of myself and now it was found. Did she share this feeling? If not, I would make her.

“You should sleep.” I said.  
“Will you make me?” Her voice was quiet and strained, revealing how emptied she was.  
“No.”  
I stroked some strands of hair from her cheek. She flinched, but did not intervene.

Maybe it was true what she had said, that I was a monster.  
I was a little too pleased to sense how tainted she felt in all her purity. Strange, how she could be so innocent with everything she had endured, that this newfound pleasure would send the world tumbling down over her.

When sleep finally took her, I closed my eyes and decided to trust the bond to tell me if she woke up and tried to slit my throat. Though somehow, I knew she wouldn’t. If the recent events had proved anything, it was that she was ready to do anything to survive.  
I was halfway into slumber when I remembered the medical droids. They would have to wait. I was no longer in a hurry to dissolve the bond.

There were glimpses from her every now and then, of the traitor. But the forceful pull towards me made him more diffuse by the second.  
Good. I did not intend to share her with anyone.  
And now that I knew her special weakness, I could not wait to use it.


	4. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again.  
> Fanatic as I am, I saw TLJ at the first available show on the premiere and now the fuel tank for inspiration is filled beyond expectations.  
> So Rey and Kylo struggles on with the bond and continues to explore the terrain of their forbidden desires...  
> Again, remember that this is a BDSM fantasy, not an attempt to mirror reality. That said, I hope you will enjoy it.  
> May the Reylo be with you. Always.

“Four months?”  
I turned away from the droid to see Rey’s reaction.  
She was sitting on the bed with my cloak wrapped around the lower part of her body. The two medical droids had just tested her blood and given us a final doom about the contraceptive she had taken. 

The humanoid droid was doing a general health examination on her. Rey let it happen with the same silence she had kept during the blood test.  
Even though the exhaustion still lingered, she was far from beaten. Such a serious face.  
At the news of the time expectancy, the only apparent change was in her eyes.  
I would not let her out of sight for at least one hundred and twenty days, and she knew it.

The droids finished the examination and concluded that she was suffering from a slight malnutrition and the effects of the bond; fever, nausea and dizziness. They left a few pharmaceuticals at my order and left.  
The moment they were out of the room, I pushed a small table to her side of the bed and put the protein bars, water bottles and fresh fruit there, along with the holo pad and medications.

“You should stay in bed for a while.” I said.  
I received a suspicious glance. She looked at the food and pad and then back to me.  
“To rest.” I clarified, motioning for her to rise.  
She stood up on trembling legs, gripping the cloak around her waist so hard the knuckles turned white. 

“The bed sheets will be changed in a moment. Would you like to shower while you wait?”  
“If I can do it alone.”  
I sighed.  
“Come here.” I took her gently but firmly by the arm and led her to the bathroom. The lack of resistance was surprising. 

We stopped in front of the shower cabin. It had enough space to fit us both. I faced her, putting both hands on her shoulders.  
“We will remove our clothing and I will take care of the cleaning for you.” I said. That is all that will happen. Then you go back to bed.”

Her cheeks turned pink.  
“I can do it myself.”  
“I know you can. You won’t. I assure you, you can relax.”  
She huffed, eyes dark and defiant.

Without breaking eye contact, I started to remove my clothes. She was blushing down to her neck, averting her eyes by the time I was done. It struck me that we had never really been completely naked together.  
“Now it’s your turn.” I said.

Her gaze was everywhere except on me as she removed the tank top and cloak slowly, crossing her arms over her chest.  
Seeing her in bare flesh like this made me forget how to breathe. Finally, there was a strained cough from my throat. Then I pulled myself together and stepped into the shower, starting the water. 

I was soaked within seconds, stroking my hair back and taking a clean piece of cloth from a hook on the wall. I looked at her.  
“Get in. The temperature is perfect.”  
After a few seconds of hesitation, she took a small step closer to the cabin. Then another one. By the third step she was inside, pressing her back against the tiled wall, watching me attentively.

I offered her my hand.  
“Come stand under the water.” I moved slightly backwards to give her a little more space.  
Ignoring my hand, she went to stand just at the edge of the sprinkling water, shuddering as the warm drops touched her skin.  
Slowly, I touched her shoulder and rested a hand there while moving the cloth to her face. She flinched.

“Be still.” I said quietly, wiping the upper part of her brow carefully. I continued down her temple, to her cheek, neck and collarbones.  
Face still red, she stood frozen like a statue, waiting to see what I would do.  
“Turn around.” I guided her to face the wall, starting to wipe her back with careful caresses. I took my time, especially with the neck and shoulders, until her muscles got softer, relaxing into it.

It was a supernatural effort to stay this perfectly in control, ignoring the blood filled organ between my legs. The skin over her hard muscles were so smooth and soft. I was careful with the bruises, except for the one on her neck. I did put extra pressure there, hardening as she groaned quietly. I did the rest of her back, moving out to her waist and hips, down the outside of her thighs, avoiding all areas that might cause an explosion.

When I was done with her skin, I gave her the cloth and untied the three buns in her hair, letting it loose over the shoulders. I moved my fingers in small circles over her scalp, listening to the quiet sighs as her pleasure mingled with mine.  
She was so certain that I would betray her trust, that when I had washed her hair and turned the water off, she seemed shocked that I just held a towel out for her.

She wrapped herself in it quickly, following my every move as I fastened a towel around my waist.  
I did not try to hide how hard I was. After all, she felt the fever rising as much as I did.  
“Wait here.” I said.  
I fetched a clean tank top and fresh underwear for her, putting it down on the bench opposite the shower. She stood where I had left her, puzzled. 

Without another word, I went out of the room and dressed in a casual black tank top and pants.  
The bed had been made, not only with fresh sheets, but also with twice as many pillows and a wider cover, like I had ordered.  
Rey appeared in the doorway, rubbing her hair with the towel, the tank top and underwear safely in place.

She was nothing short of stunning.  
I stood frozen, my heart speeding up in expectation as she approached me slowly, stopping only a few feet away. Our eyes met. For a moment, I was certain that she would try to kiss me. I even tipped my head slightly forward.

“I need to contact my friends.” She said.  
“What?” I straightened my back and bore my eyes into her. “Absolutely not.”  
“I want them to know what happened, why I can’t go back to them…yet.”  
Though she spoke softly and intimately, I was getting more upset by the second.  
“Even if we pretended that you were not a prisoner here, the security risks would be too high. Your friends are terrorists, after all!”

“They are not terrorists.” The softness in her voice was gone.  
“No? Every time they show up somewhere, they bring explosives!”  
“Every time you show up somewhere, a lot of people die!”  
“No one who is innocent!”  
“Lies! What about that village?”

“They were helping the enemy!”  
“Do you see your mother as a terrorist?”  
I gasped, unprepared for the vicious attack. Then I grabbed her arms, and jerked her a little closer. By now, she was too angry to be intimidated.  
“The person who had the resistance leader as a mother is _dead_. The sooner you accept that, the better for you.”

She met my eyes, voice dropping to a cool breeze as she replied.  
“You see what is in my thoughts and in my heart.” She stated. “But I see you too. The sooner you accept that, the better for you.”  
The world stood still for a moment. Why did this have to happen just as I was trying to gain her trust? Should I drag her out to the torture room again? 

“Listen to me.” I hissed. “If you try to contact anyone, a band of terrorists might break into this base and try to rescue you. If you go with them, you will die within days. I know you want to live, so do not mention this again!”  
She tilted her head a little, the anger in her eyes melting away as fast as it had surfaced. Instead there was sadness.  
“I have someone that I care about very much.” She whispered. “I know you have seen it.”

My blood started to boil instantly.  
“The traitor? Oh, I know all about that! If he will be a problem in all this, I will take care of him!”  
Her eyes widened.  
“That was not what I…”  
“I should have finished him off a long time ago!”

To give weight to the words, I threw a chair into the wall, shattering it to pieces.  
Wrong move. She was not supposed to see how much this affected me.  
We had a quick exchange of glances. Then she was off to bed, quickly diving down beneath the covers. Her anger shot through the bond like a poisoned spear.

I walked up to her and sat down on the bed. She clenched the covers harder, eyes flashing.  
“Things will not be what they were.” I said. “You know this.”  
I gave her forehead a soft caress. She blinked, pinching her lips together hard.  
“You are burning up.” I murmured. “We can’t wait for much longer.”  
“Don’t touch me.”

I frowned, refusing to move my hand.  
“You shouldn’t start this again.”  
“I won’t let you hurt the people I love! If you do _anything…_ ”  
“Love? You don’t even know what that is!”  
“And you do?”

I paused for the time it took to draw another breath.  
“You have been alone for too long to know.” I moved my hand over her forehead again.  
Her face was a storm cloud. Still, she allowed me to continue the caresses. Slowly, the storm settled. The change was mysterious. She looked at me, into my eyes and past them.  
“Why are you doing all these dreadful things?” She whispered. “I know how it tortures you.”

For a second I was sure that she was talking about the recent events between us. Then, with a shock, I realized it was a lot more profound. She had seen me bared when our minds battled. My defenses rose immediately. I tensed and prepared to lash out. The harsh reply never left my lips. Something in her eyes made me struggle to choose every word with care.

“When your path is clear” I said, “you have to follow it. Even through challenges that may seem impossible. Only then will you be free.”  
She did not look convinced. But her eyes were half closed as I moved the strokes to her cheeks.  
“What is this path exactly?” she murmured.  
“To become everything that you can be. To live your life to its fullest potential.”

Her eyes slid shut. A tired sigh. She had not recovered from the session in the torture room yet and the fever was rising in both of us, urging us to fulfill our duty towards the force.  
I took a small container of bacta gel from table and uncovered one of her wrists. There was an angry bracelet of red and blue imprinted on the skin. The equipment in our interrogation rooms was not made to be comfortable.

She peered up at me as the cool gel touched her skin. I held her arm while applying it, making sure she would not move away. When every inch of the wound was taken care of, I continued with the other wrist, taking my time to treat it.  
All the while she watched my every move, seemingly confused about my intentions.  
So was I.

By the time I did her ankles, her eyes were closed again. She had fallen into a silent conflict, waging a battle between duty and need.  
“You can use this to soothe other parts.” I said. “Even on the inside. I can…”  
Her eyes flew open. “No!”  
“All I said…”  
“Just stop. Stop what you’re doing!”

She sat up and pulled her legs in. Despite the fever, her gaze was startlingly sharp.  
“What is this? You torture me in this horrible way and now you are suddenly some kind of medic? What do you want?”  
“You know what I want. And I see your needs clear enough.”

I looked directly at her as I said it, watching as her face turned pink and then red, spreading its shade to her collarbones and beyond.  
Beautiful.  
“I did not choose to be bonded to you.” She murmured.  
“It’s not the bond I’m speaking about.” I reached out and stroked her chin with my thumb. “You have advanced desires to be this inexperienced.”

She made the sweetest little gasp I had ever heard. Her eyes got wide before a frown turned them into narrow slits.  
“You are horrible!”  
“But I don’t mind.” I replied, moving closer. “I prefer it this way.”  
I started to stroke her cheek and neck, half expecting a violent outburst from her. 

Her breathing became fast and irregular, muscles tensing as if she was about to jump out of reach at any second. But she remained frozen in place. The bond was winning the battle.  
“Four months.” She whispered.  
“There are ways to make this less painful. We could both decide to enjoy this, since there is no avoiding it. I could teach you things…”

“How can I trust you?”  
“You can trust the bond. Besides, you promised to obey me.”  
My lips moved closer to hers. If I touched them, it would be impossible not to go further.  
“You need to rest.” I said and rose abruptly. Not daring to turn around, I walked into my exercise room and shut the door.

That should give the impression that I had this under control.  
As soon as I was alone in the room, I nearly threw myself at the door again. In need of distraction, I walked over to the panorama window and looked out at the stars. It didn’t help at all. Then I ignited the lightsaber and practiced.  
All movements were clumsy and unbalanced. Even with the wall between us, her presence was agonizingly strong and distracting. 

While executing the techniques imperfectly, I sensed her moving around.  
The rigors came with shorter intervals. I was sweating a lot more than usual, soaking the clothes. Another shower would be needed soon. A very cold one.  
It would have been a lot easier to just walk out there and demand compliance again. Unfortunately, the thought of using more force in her current state was the one thing that kept me from running out there.

Three knocks.  
She was right outside.  
When I didn’t reply, she opened the door and stepped in.  
We stared at each other.  
Her white tank top was as damp as her skin. The fever made her cheeks glow. 

Again, those beautiful eyes widened when they saw me.  
She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Her eyes were wandering nervously around the room, trying to avoid me.  
“Yes?” I said.  
“We need to talk.” She looked out the window behind my back.

“Yes, we do.”  
“The illness…it doesn’t end.”  
“No.”  
I made a few swings with my lightsaber just to seem unmoved about it. If she knew anything at all about lightsaber technique, it was clear that I wasn’t.  
“So why would the force do this to us?” She asked. “I mean, make us suffer for things we cannot control?”

“Are you saying the force has an intelligent design?”  
“I- I don’t know. Do you?”  
“Come here.”  
I deactivated the lightsaber and held out my hand.  
She took a few steps towards me but stopped just out of reach.

I frowned. Why wouldn’t she look at me?  
The images in her head showed pieces of sweat drenched skin, tense muscles and… my face, with parts of my unkempt hair plastered to my forehead. There was way too much yearning pervading these snapshots. And now she stood stammering in front of me, with red ears.  
My face started to burn for other reasons than the fever. 

“Take my hand.” I insisted.  
Hesitation. Then resolve as she bit her lip and strode forward, gripping my hand. I pulled her with me to the window, facing the stars once more.  
“If there is such a thing as an intelligence behind the force, it is too vast to be personal.” I said. “Its intentions must be seen as laws of nature rather than an active will.”

“And this? What law of nature is this?”  
I turned to her. Those green eyes were a lot more intriguing than the night sky.  
“The force strives for balance.” I said. “My teacher once warned me that if I became powerful enough, the force would send a champion for the light.”  
“How am I this champion? Luke is a lot more powerful than I am.”

Stroking her cheek, I shook my head slowly.  
“He’s not. You are just untrained. Your powers are a perfect match to mine. Besides, I prefer sharing this with you over Luke. Imagine that.”  
Her face brightened with an amused smile. Then she remembered herself and the serious face was back.

I’d do anything to make that smile appear again.  
“But why like this?” she mused, eyes narrowing and fixing on the sky as if the answer would be written there somewhere. “Am I not meant to fight you?”  
“You are meant to balance me. However you do that, is up to you. Until now.”  
She sighed, lowering her head and closing eyes.

“You understand why I can’t give in to this, don’t you?”  
My hand froze on her cheek.  
“We’ve been through this. You’ll die if…”  
“I know that, I’ll do what I have to. But you must see why I can’t just throw everything aside and willingly do…it.” 

“You are wrong! Rules don’t apply to us. Especially not to this!”  
Her gaze returned to me. It held too much sympathy to be comfortable.  
“If I give in, I will betray someone… everyone that I love. I cannot just ignore that.”  
“So then what?” I snapped, squeezing her hand harder and pressing my thumb against her cheek. “You’ll leave it to me to be the monster you want to see?”

“That’s not how I…”  
“No? Then do you plan to take what you need and then lock yourself into the bathroom whenever you see fit?”  
She shook her head. The green eyes shifted to anguish.  
“No, Ben, no.”

 _What?_  
“What did you just say?”  
After two seconds of silence, I took her by the arm and jerked her closer.  
“Get over yourself!” She said, scowling at me as my breathing sped up.  
I inhaled to speak, but stopped at the last instant. 

This whole situation was too far gone. The mutual attraction disrupted any rational thought. I wanted to punish her for what she had just said; take her back to bed and make her squirm and say my real name over and over, then work her until she gave in freely and lost herself in the pleasure.  
The blush on her face darkened.

Without another word I led her out and back to the bed. She did not struggle to free her arm. I sensed confusion, resentment and desire from her, all at once.  
I pushed her down on the covers, right over my cloak, and climbed on top of her, taking her wrists and pushing them down to the sides of her head.  
“Is this how you want it?” I hissed. “All responsibility on me?”

She looked me straight in the eye.  
“Just let one of my hands go. Please. Just one.”  
I hesitated, but did what she asked.  
Instead of the hard slap I expected, she touched my cheek. Her fingers ran along the skin and I realized she was tracing my scar. 

“Please, be careful.” She whispered.  
I met her gaze for another second before leaning down to kiss her lips. I did it softly, waiting for her reaction. She gasped quietly, looking so hopelessly desperate that I stopped trying to restrain myself.  
My tongue slid between her lips, meeting hers in a wet, hot dance. Releasing her other wrist, I used both my hands to explore her.

Her skin burned as she moved underneath me, hips coming up to meet mine.  
“Lay absolutely still.” I whispered.  
I floated the small jar of bacta gel to my hand and dipped two fingers into it. She froze and squeezed my arms hard as I snuck inside her panties.  
Then slowly, I started to rub the gel against her opening. 

My breath was hitching. It was impossibly frustrating to feel the warm moisture, knowing how ready she was. My fingers were trembling as I worked my way further inside, adding more gel every inch to make sure there would be minimal pain once I went further.  
She moaned, mostly from relief as the gel had a soothing, pain-killing effect. The wetness became rich enough to trickle down her inner thighs. 

I had my mouth locked with hers, but started to go further down, kissing her throat and collar bones, lifting her tank top to taste bare skin where her breasts were.  
Her reaction was strong. The gasps and moans got louder and her hands tore at my hair. 

There was a wave of anxiety when I pulled her underwear down to her ankles. As I kissed her belly and continued lower, her hands pushed against my brow, but not with enough determination.  
“Relax.” I said. “This won’t hurt at all.”  
At the first lick, there was a jolt through the bond. From us both.

The sweet and salty taste instantly had me going for more. I grabbed her hips while deepening the kiss, nudging at her legs to make them spread more.  
Rey was shaking. She pulled my hair and seemed unsure about what to do with her legs. She brought them tighter together and then wider apart, until the sensation won her over.  
As soon as she gave me full access, I rewarded her with the fingers, pushing in and pulling out in a steady rhythm while sealing my mouth to her small, throbbing knot. 

It did not take long until her mind had told me all I needed to know about her sensitive spots.  
With gasps and loud noises, she urged me on and tried to push me away when the pleasure got to intense, only to pull me close again the next moment.  
When I sensed she was near the climax, I held her hips again and steadied my head, making sure she would not wriggle out of my grip. 

She screamed at the top of her lungs when the release came. I felt the twitches against my tongue and the cramps around my fingers. I had to hold her legs down with my own weight not to get crushed between her thighs.  
High pitched pleas dissolved into rapturous wails. I continued to work her, just to see how long she would last. I was beyond pleased as her orgasm drew out further than I thought possible. 

When it was over, I looked up and saw her face. The slightly parted lips and half-closed eyes revealed a blissful state that could only mean that this method had worked to calm the effects of the bond.  
I came up to join with her mouth, kissing her deeply while her heart fought to slow down, caressing the naked skin just enough not to get my own release too soon. 

I needed it really fast, but remaining pressed against her bare skin, feeling her small body underneath my larger build, was such a thrill that I just had to linger.  
“Now, sweet Rey,” I whispered, “you will give me what I need.”  
I rose and watched as she turned to the side and curled up, glancing at me quickly and then looking away again with red cheeks.

Did she know what I was planning?  
I took her hands and tugged at them gently until she sat up and allowed me to lead her to the edge of the bed.  
“The floor.” I said, dropping a pillow right beside the bed. “On your knees.”  
There was confusion in her perfect face. Reservation.

“Do as I say.”  
She frowned, but slowly dropped on her knees on the pillow. I sat down on the bedside, right in front of her, parting my knees so that she would sit between them.  
“Do you know what you are supposed to do?” I asked, staring straight at her.  
Despite the wide eyes, I could sense that she was not entirely sure, even though she had begun to suspect it.

I opened my pants without taking my eyes from her. She turned her attention to the floor immediately, face bright red. I was hard and blood filled enough to explode, and the sight of her full lips and her pink tongue as it licked those lips nervously made it worse than I had imagined.  
I wound her hair around my hand and held it, pressing my fingers against her scalp. Not too hard, just enough to give her guidance.

“You will please me the way I pleased you.” I said. “That should be fair. Right?”  
Her eyes shot up from the floor and then back down again. She shook her head slowly, looking terrified.  
“I can’t do that.” She murmured. “I don’t know how.”  
“I’ll show you.”

I pulled her head closer, and stroked my thumb over her lips, letting it slide in between her lips. She clenched her teeth.  
“Don’t do that.” I said. “Open your mouth, avoid the teeth touching and work with your tongue.”  
Her embarrassment and humiliation could only be topped by the raging arousal she fought inside. It was contagious.

“It is only my thumb, Rey. Do it.”  
The despair and yearning collided as she started to run her tongue over my thumb, trying licks and strokes, even sucking it a little.  
If anyone had interrupted this right now I would have shot them down without warning.  
“Enough.” I breathed, removing the thumb from her warm mouth. “Closer.”

I guided her head to my exposed sex, holding just hard enough to make sure she would not back away.  
“Now you take it into your mouth and finish this.”  
She gave me a pleading look, lips trembling irresistibly. It did not help her at all. Quite the opposite.  
I took her jaw and pinned my eyes to hers.

She swallowed. Then slowly, she bent her head to it, taking the tip between her lips.  
I gasped. The grip in her hair tightened.  
When her tongue started to move, I knew this would not last long.  
“Deeper!” I panted, pressing further into her small mouth.

Naturally, there was no room for the full length. But bumping against the back of her throat while she struggled to oblige, feeling her pleasure as well as her burning shame, was more than enough.  
Small sounds came from the back of her throat, vibrating against the sensitive skin.  
I responded shockingly fast.

“Hold still.” I pressed out, keeping her head locked in position.  
The pleasure came as a mad, dizzying rush. It pulsated into her mouth and down her throat as she whimpered and fought to swallow it.  
My hands were shaking violently once it stopped. She was breathing fast through her nose and I left her mouth reluctantly and gave her space to spit and catch her breath.

“You did very well.” I said, stroking her hair and wiping her mouth and chin with my fingers. “Come.”  
I pulled her up to sit in my lap and held her tightly against my chest. She did not embrace me back, but there was no resistance either. 

The fever sank back at a noticeable speed. My thoughts cleared and the pulse slowed down. So this worked as well as traditional penetration. Good to know.  
Rey was caught up in her struggle between desire and high morale. I sensed how she tried to press the tears back, how she blamed herself for every pleasant rush she had felt. 

“Why do this to yourself?” I whispered.  
“There are people who put their trust in me.” She replied, her voice a little broken. “I am failing them all.”

“Did you ever think that you should give yourself a break? Someone as strong with the force as you will keep meeting challenges that are both unique and strange. You need to get used to that. Also, you are powerful enough to be above other people’s expectations on you.”  
“It’s not about what I should do. It’s about what I want to do. And I want to be reliable to the people I love.”

The poison started to seep into my blood.  
I held her a little tighter.  
“There is no telling if the bond actually ever ends.” I said. “You should get used to my presence in your life.”  
An exhausted sigh was the only reply. I laid down with her. The temporary stillness in the bond calmed my thoughts about murdering all potential rivals. 

When my com link rang out I was about to throw it into the wall.  
Then I saw it was Hux and remembered that I had a meeting… half an hour ago.  
I did not answer the call. Instead, I rose and dressed in my usual clothing. Then I approached Rey and stroked her cheek. She was half asleep.

“I will be gone for an hour at most.” I said. “You have all that you need in here. Do not try to go outside these rooms or cause any damage to the interior.” I bent down and kissed her brow, sensing her reluctant pleasure.  
Leaving her alone was a terrible idea. Still, I could hardly bring her to meetings about military operations. I ordered some elite guards to watch the door and went to the meeting.

Hux was furious at my late arrival, even if he hid in under snide remarks.  
I chose to ignore it and dove into the conversation with the assembled generals about occupying certain mines to win resources, takeovers of planets and which ones to prioritize.  
Hux also managed to squeeze in setbacks in the base budget due to repairs on the walls I had scorched.  
No more than ten minutes had passed before the bond sent strange signals. 

There was excitement, panic and then relief. Fast movement. A blinking screen. Usage of the force. Then a code.  
I rose so fast that I nearly turned the table over.  
Hux stared at me in his usual judgmental fashion.  
“Is there something you would like to say?” he asked.

I ignored him and rushed out, running like a maniac towards the communication center.  
Somehow, she had escaped through a locked door, past elite guards and a corridor filled with staff members… straight to the one thing that I had denied her.


	5. Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, dear Reylos!
> 
> We are now post TLJ and what a glorious time to be alive, with Reylo being canon and all. <3  
> I should once again warn you that the level of kinky is rising in this chapter and it might be disturbing to those who prefer different flavors of intimacy. There is mutual consent between the characters. Even so, remember that this is a fantasy created for leisure and not a comment in the debate about abuse. I am well aware of where the line should be drawn IRL.  
> Enough with the warnings. Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Love, Kylo Zen

When I reached the communication main room, the door would not slide open.  
I slashed the control with my lightsaber, causing a short circuit, and entered.  
She was leaning over the main computer, fingers moving frenetically over the keys. Even though she must have felt my presence before I arrived, she did not stop writing.

Beside her, there was a female officer, looking at another screen as if nothing was happening. None of the staff members seemed to notice that something was off in the room.  
They did notice me, however.  
Everyone rose and faced me. The only one who did not was Rey.

I could have used the force or simply tackled her. Instead my lightsaber made a giant rift across the control panel, forcing her to jump back.  
“What did you do?” I snarled, closing in to grab her.  
She danced out of my way quickly, grabbing a staff that I recognized from my exercise room.

“Leave the room!” I shouted to the crew.  
They ran out immediately.  
There was no telling what could happen now that Rey held the staff and just in case, I did not want any eyewitnesses.  
“You went against my orders!” I growled.

“Lower your lightsaber. I’m done. I’ll go with you peacefully.”  
I did deactivate the lightsaber, but I did not calm down one bit.  
“Drop the staff!”  
Surprisingly, she did. I jerked her close and lifted her, capturing her arms in a tight grip.  
“Put me down!” She tried and failed to set her teeth in my arm.

I marched straight out, heading for my rooms. She wriggled and kicked, but because of the anger, I hardly took notice of the pain.  
The communication crew stood in attention outside. I ordered them to find out exactly what she had written and to whom. Perhaps slashing the control board had not been such a good idea. But surely there had to be a way to recover lost information.

The moment my door came into view, another annoying surprise waited.  
Hux and a handful of his soldiers was inspecting the fallen elite guards outside my door. Great.  
The general straightened up the moment he saw me. He was about to speak, but paused when he saw me with Rey.  
“What is this supposed to be?” He said. “What happened to my guards?”

“Isn’t there a meeting you’re supposed to be at?” I snapped.  
“Did the girl escape again?”  
“I did not try to escape!” Rey cried.  
“It is extremely unwise to keep the prisoner in your room.” Hux continued. “Last time she was here, you ran away from the interrogation room, crying to the Supreme Leader…”

 _“Get out of my sight!”_ I roared, pushing past him and into my room.  
Good thing I held Rey. My hands were itching for the lightsaber. I did not need another problem, having to explain to my master why I had severed the general’s head from his body.  
The moment I was inside my private quarters, I drew one shaky breath before throwing Rey on the bed with force.

She bounced to her feet immediately, challenging me with eyes and raised fists.  
“You broke your promise!” I spat. “I won’t be gentle about this!”  
“I wasn’t running away! Stop talking and let me…”  
I raised my finger in warning.  
“Do not tell me what to do! Did you contact The Resistance?”

She hesitated for a second and sighed. “Yes.”  
“If your friends come running into this base I’ll take their heads off myself!”  
Her eyebrows rose and her mouth fell open.  
“I didn’t ask them to come!”  
“And so you think they won’t? What did you write to them?”

When she didn’t reply, I grabbed my com link and called a special unit of security engineers, demanding their presence at once. Then I waited, eyes locked with hers.  
I wasn’t sure what upset me the most; that she had defied my orders or that she was thinking about someone else enough to take the risk.  
Rey was watching me with the cold reservation I hated so much. 

The security staff showed up, bringing their tool boxes. They bowed deeply and waited for my command.  
“I need cuffs by the head and the foot of the bed.” I said in the calmest voice I could manage. “Adjusted to her size. The same goes over there, but from the roof and floor.” I pointed to a space beside the bed. “And…” I pointed at Rey. “…she needs a collar. I’ll fasten it myself.”

Rey gasped, her stare even more reproaching.  
“Collar?” She breathed. “I’ll never…! You’ll never get me to…”  
“We’ll see.”

The engineers went to work at once, measuring and drilling. One of them presented me with three thin collars in different sizes, made of black metal. I chose the smallest one and weighed it in my hand, giving Rey a meaningful look.  
Some of the anger faded at the thought. I nearly forgot there were others in the room as I imagined her in all kinds of positions with this collar. 

Rey was blushing furiously, expressing defiance with every part of her body except the eyes. There was a vulnerability there that I had counted on, a weakness that I responded very well to.  
The fever was sneaking back, adding a dimension that made me wish the engineers would be done sooner.  
She stood frozen to the spot while I oversaw the work, specifying the details every now and then and making sure the equipment was sturdy enough to stop even myself from breaking it.

When they were finally done and the door slid shut behind them, I approached Rey until I stood eye to eye with her. She flinched as my hand came up. I gave her neck a soft stroke.  
“Turn around.”  
“This isn’t necessary, I’ll…”  
“Quiet. Respond only when I tell you to.”

She frowned.  
I gripped her arm and pulled it briskly, making her turn. Then I caught her jaw and held her head up, pressing her back to me while I began to place the collar around her slender neck.  
Her rigors hit me like a storm wave. It crashed in with fury, desire and confusion.  
Even though there were small starts, as if she intended to fight me, she didn’t.

The collar was no more than a thumbnail in height and very thin. Even so, it was basically impossible to break. Once it was adjusted to her size, I pushed a tiny button on its smooth surface. The click made the lock inside it melt through a chemical reaction. No one would be able to remove this unless they had the proper tools. 

The collar was connected to my com link with several practical functions. Not only would I know if she tried to leave the room through an alarm, but I would also be able to get a visual map of where she was. And best of all; if she got violent, one push of a button on the com link would stun her.  
“You don’t need to do this.” She said quietly.

“I really do.”  
I forced her to face the wall and directed her to spread arms and legs. If she had stolen something outside these rooms and hidden it on her body, I would find out.  
My hands ran along her sides, over the waist and hips, prompting small gasps from her. When I extended the search, not missing one inch, the gasps became whimpers.

Why did the force have to send her in a shape like this?  
I made her face me again, holding her steady by the shoulders.  
The collar would look much better if my name was engraved on it. When I had to take her outside the rooms, everyone would know where she belonged. 

“Now you will tell me exactly what you wrote and to whom.” I said.  
Her gaze was burning right through me.  
“I know you’re hurt. But the message was private.”  
“Hurt?! I’ll show you what hurt is.” I pointed towards the edge of the bed. “Get over there.”

The green eyes were open gates, reflecting every passing emotion. She did not move.  
“You can get there conscious or asleep.” I added. “Your choice.”  
Her gaze was flickering from me to the foot of the bed. Then she walked over there with long strides and came to a halt with arms crossed.  
“Now face the bed, kneel and lean over it.”

“ _What?!_ No!”  
“Do it, or I’ll burn the entire Resistance base to the ground! All casualties will be on _you!_ ”  
It got her off balance. Just a little, but it was enough to catch the chain of images along with the doubting of my knowledge of where it was.  
“D’qar?” I said as the information revealed itself.

She flinched as if I had hit her.  
“Yes.” I went on, nodding. “Definitely D’qar. Now, thanks to you, I know.”  
Her eyes widened.  
No more words were needed. She dropped to her knees and leaned her elbows on the bed, keeping her eyes on the cover.

My heart started to race. I had to mind my steps as I approached her, being instantly and dangerously drunk on the vision of her, kneeling with such abandonment.  
Anxiety and guilt radiated from her; desperation to undo the damage.  
The white, sizzling anger over her betrayal towards me was still fresh. Surely she would tell me everything I wanted to know about her escape, but it would be a pity not to exploit this situation.

I walked close enough to have my boot touch her leg. She kept her head down, breathing unsteadily.  
I took her wrists and locked them together in the shackles by the foot of the bed.  
“Please.” She breathed. “I’ll do anything you say.”  
“Yes, you will.”

Scanning the room, my eyes fell on her slender waist. I loosened the double wrapped leather belt and wound part of it around my hand.  
Again, nausea and rigors. No part of me wanted to hurt her for real. The bond screamed in protest, as much as I did on the inside.  
She crossed her legs, as if it would somehow give protection. 

I took a steady grip around the nape of her neck and winced. The link between us burned.  
No. There would be no real damage done to her. But a demonstration of power was in place. The nausea was eaten by the appealing sight of her perfectly shaped buttocks. All warning signals faded. Still holding her neck, I tugged her trousers down just enough to lay the target bare.

Her anxious whimper only fueled the fire. I stroked the belt lightly over her naked skin, watching it prickle as she made a weak attempt to squirm. There was too much fear of what I would do to her friends if she offered real resistance.  
This was supposed to give me greater control over her. Right now, I did not feel in control at all.  
I was too high, too hard and too mesmerized. 

“Be still.” I said and straightened up, taking a step back to stand behind her.  
I struck.  
The leather licked both her cheeks perfectly, drawing a loud gasp from her. A flaming streak appeared over the smooth skin. For a second, I forgot how to breathe.  
Then I brought the belt down a second time. Harder.

She flinched and cried out. One more beautiful mark crossed the first one.  
I gave her another stinging blow. And another.  
She wailed, panting and gripping the sheets.  
Her crime felt pale and unimportant. I wanted to punish her for the effect she had on me.

Not only that. The urge inside her to receive the pain, to atone for involuntarily betraying her allies, was vast. And it crossed over to something forbidden that she was not ready to face. I could feel the surges in her stomach and the heat between her legs. It drove me insane.  
I kept the lashes coming until the first sobs were heard. By then, her firm nether cheeks were glowing red. 

I kneeled beside her and took hold of her hair, pulling her head back.  
Her flushed face and glistening tears were more open and raw than I had ever seen.  
I caught a tear with my gloved thumb.  
“Have you had enough already?” I said close to her ear. “I’ve only just begun.”

She swallowed hard and bit her lower lip, fighting the sobs down. The tears kept welling up. Her despair was so naked. And her resolve to withstand this for the tiniest chance to save her friends was killing me.  
“Who did you contact?” I asked.  
A moment of anguish. And then: “Finn.”

“Finn? FN-2187?”  
I rose immediately and put another angrily red stripe over her buttocks with some real force.  
She screamed. I squatted beside her and gripped her hair once more.  
“What did you write exactly?”  
“I- I said… I would be gone for some time…”

“Anything else?”  
There was a pause where the only sounds were her sobs. It was not really about the pain.  
Her light pierced me, forcing my hand to stroke her head and neck. I could bear her misery as little as I could control my desire for her.

Fresh tears broke out.  
“I broke up… with him.”  
My mind went blank.  
“You…what?”  
“I had to. I couldn’t do this, knowing that he...”

I never got to hear the rest. She laid her cheek against the sheets. The tears made dark spots on the fabric.  
I was in shock. Of all the possible explanations, this was not the one I had expected.  
The belt fell out of my hand.  
Now I had her. She was really mine.

Slowly, I let my fingers slide over her bruised skin, down to the tight little cavity that I enjoyed so much. Swollen. And wet.  
“So you _do_ know who you belong to.” I murmured.  
No reply.  
She gasped as I pressed a finger against the moisture. 

I wanted to take her right there and then, knowing that her body burned for it as much as mine. But would she let me?  
She should be comforted; maybe even a little rewarded. Still, she had broken our agreement, assaulted a number of guards and put this base at risk.

No matter. The pain inside her was insufferable.  
I leaned in and wiped her cheeks, gathering a few tears on my knuckles.  
“I have known where the rebel base is for some time.” I lied. “Your revelation changes nothing.”  
The weight falling off her shoulders brought relief to us both. Now there was another urgent matter left to deal with.

She, exposed and kneeling before me; trembling from the weakness that would not allow her to stay dry through the harsh treatment. The hunger for her exploding in me, again and again.  
Our eyes met. Then she leaned her cheek against my hand and closed her eyes. A momentary, but genuine surrender.  
My heart was beating frantically.

I unchained her wrists and took a tender grip around her neck, directing her up to face me. The green, lustrous eyes searched mine.  
The moment I felt her lips, I linked our tongues together and gathered her in a tight embrace. Even though the response was tentative, her thirst shone through.

I made her bend over the bed again. This time she pressed her hands obediently against the mattress, clutching the sheets as I removed her pants and parted her legs.  
The small nervous gasps made my hands unsteady. My own trousers were opened fast and I allowed her to feel just how pleased I was, nudging against her red buttocks. 

I sensed uncertainty. She wasn’t sure it could be done from this position. And that precious innocence was mine to steal. I squeezed her buttocks to make sure she understood.  
The noises she made was confirmation enough.

When I touched her moist spot, she was breathing faster, making sounds that ended in a cry when I probed two fingers inside.  
Though she was visibly anxious, she remained on her knees with a deep red color on her face.  
I had never experienced something this maddening. The tight friction softened from the wetness as I prepared her. By the time I pulled out, she was dripping. 

Good. Even though she was not yet fully stretched for me to fit, it would hopefully be a little less uncomfortable this time. Painful or not, she had to be trained to handle it.  
Unfortunately for her, I had rarely been this swollen and hard. I steered into her slowly, noting how her small toes curled and the gasping became louder. 

Though she cried out and clawed at the sheets, squirming and trembling, she remained compliant.  
I held her hips until I had squeezed in far enough. Then I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around her, holding her fixated as my thrusts became fiercer. 

Her loud moans and strong contractions made me approach the climax at a high speed. When I pressed in further, nails dug into my arms.  
“Please…! Please…!”  
Overheated and driven to the brink of insanity, I found release. The room darkened and a number of hazy visions whirled around. 

Rey as a child, begging for water in front of a merciless employer.  
An island in the middle of a stormy sea, closely linked to her fate. Luke was there; the mentor and parent that she never had. Others; friends and allies. Romantic feelings towards the traitor.  
Then me.  
A shadow over the perfect life, forcefully drawing her in to a belonging she never asked for.

Dark fantasies. My hands around her wrists, my weight on her.  
Guilt-ridden pleasures under the cover that got washed off in cold showers, only to appear with the same intensity the next minute.  
Old memories. She had seen me, before Takodana. The hooded figure in her childhood dreams. A future she knew was inevitable.

I tried to hold on to the visions, to see more. But as the climax faded, the room returned. The one thing still strongly present was Rey’s pleasure. I felt in my blood how all her sensations mingled into an ecstatic fever, her own orgasm dancing just out of reach.  
I reached down and put my hand an inch away from her pulsating little knob.  
“You want me to do it?” I breathed.

“Yes! Oh, please!”  
She wriggled to get to my hand. I touched her. She rubbed against me until the intoxicating shivers took over.  
I was ready to take her again only from watching. Every little toss and turn, every lecherous moan held me enslaved like a lethal drug.

I wanted to whip her again for looking the way she did; for being what she was.  
For taking over my life in this uncompromising way.  
I touched her mind. She was deep into visions and in horror, I realized she was inside my memories, way too deep for me to pull her out.  
It was over before I could try.

She laid gasping underneath me, clinging to my arms and tightening around my hard limb. I could not believe I was ready to go again.  
I took her wrists and pressed them down, reveling in her lack of resistance. Then I rode her the seconds it took to reach a new pinnacle. It swept in and pulled all sense up by the roots.

The moment I could think again, I started kissing her neck and hair, listening to how our breaths mingled in their striving to slow down.  
“Rey.” I whispered.  
The bond felt stronger than before. Even as the fever settled, the yearning for her did not.  
Dangerous.

All sense of time was gone. Maybe we needed to sleep or eat. Someone might deliver dinner soon. Or breakfast? If nothing else, she needed to eat.  
And I needed to get a grip.  
“From now on, you go wherever I go.” I said. “And if you choose to revolt, I will use what I know about The Resistance.”

She sighed.  
I laid down over her and entangled my fingers in the warm, loose hair.  
“You could have told me.” I whispered.  
“I tried!”

That voice again. This had not compromised her integrity the slightest. But I was getting to her in other ways. She was still in shock over her bodily reactions to my cruelty and I reveled in it.  
I withdrew from her carefully and helped her up, even though I needed as much support to stand straight. Then we pulled our pants back into place and buttoned them.

Strange, the way she studied me and how I could not stop gazing back at her.  
My hands came out to cup her cheeks. The pure light and the strength she drew from it… all too perfect.  
Her lips parted slightly. The loss of control still colored her face.  
I kissed her brow. Then her eyelids, nose and mouth.  
All this. Mine.

There was a signal by the door.  
I sensed no lifeforms outside. It had to be droids.  
They were allowed in, along with a new table and a generous dinner. Rey remained by the bed as the food was served. I sat down and waited until the droids were gone before motioning to her.  
“Come here. You need to eat.”

She approached the table and drew the chair out. Barely had her butt touched the seat before she rose abruptly, face redder than before.  
“Sit.” I said.  
“I prefer to stand.”  
Seeing my reaction, she scowled, eyes turning into razors.

“Wipe that smirk from your face!” She hissed.  
Having a brawl with her now would destroy my plans and possibly end up with me needing medical attention. This moment was too good to ruin. And she did deserve some pity.  
I turned serious and held a hand out to her. She glared at it.  
“Please.” I said.

It softened her enough to walk up to me.  
Gently, I had her sit in my lap, balancing on my knee with her thighs carrying the weight, relieving the sore area. I had my arm around her back, allowing her to lean back a little.  
Piercing a piece of meat on the fork, I brought it to her mouth.  
“I don’t need you to feed me.” She grumbled.

“Eat.” I persisted.  
After a few seconds, the hunger won. Her lips closed around the fork. The moment she had swallowed the meat, I brought another piece of food to her mouth. She accepted it.  
I kept feeding her. Soon she relaxed enough to put her head against my shoulder.  
I chose the food with great care, making sure the right flavors would be mingled. 

Even though she tried to hide it, her senses were humming with pleasure. Not only from the food. Her whole life had been a tragic story of neglect. Getting her needs met with this much attention was an unexplored luxury.  
As far as I was concerned, I could do this forever.  
Once she was fed, I ate with her in my arms. Then I just held her.

We were exhausted.  
Her mind was jumping between me and the traitor, emotions dark and heavy. Having FN-2187 interfering with us was disturbing to say the least, but she had made a choice. Whether this had been her will or not, she was with me now. And I intended to keep her.  
“Time to sleep.” I said. It was perhaps a little early, judging from when dinner came, but apart from needing rest I wanted to keep holding her.

Rey did not protest. She fought to keep her eyes open.  
I led her into the bathroom and got us both cleaned up for the night. Once we were back by the bed, I stripped completely and had the pleasure of seeing her turn away with red cheeks.  
She would get used to this eventually, but for now I would savor every moment of it.  
I climbed into bed, leaned back and put my hands behind my head, looking at her.

She took her trousers and vest off, but kept the tank top and panties. Then she laid down on the opposite edge of the bed, curling up with her back to me.  
I sighed and leaned over, closing her in an embrace and pulling her over to my side of the bed.  
Better. Even though she still wouldn’t face me, I was spooning her now and she was under the cover with me.

If only she would stop mourning her former boyfriend. Her sadness colored the bond, making me feel the weight in her stomach. If I killed him now, it would get a lot worse.  
Hopefully, there was no need to. But I had to find out exactly what she had written.  
The bond crippled my judgement enough to make me question whether her punishment had been too much or not enough.

I was asleep when the message came.  
The familiar shape of my master, appearing vividly in a bleak dream, summoning me to his side.  
When I opened my eyes, I knew he wanted me to go to the audience chamber immediately.

I looked at Rey. She slept soundly in my arms, on her stomach. Careful not to wake her, I hooked the lining of her panties and lifted them slowly.  
Even though the room was dark, the marks were visible.  
I swallowed. She had to be kept safe. 

For the first time since I swore my allegiance to The Supreme Leader, I doubted whether I would be able to follow his commands if they concerned her.  
She stirred a little as I kissed her cheek.  
“Sleep.” I said and drew my hand through her hair, applying the power I needed to keep her unconscious for as long as it took. 

Then I rose and got dressed.  
The corridors were nearly empty as I approached the chamber. I lingered outside for a minute.  
Part of me already knew what this was about.  
Drawing a deep breath, I stepped inside.


	6. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So late with this.  
> Good news is, I am getting better. The obstacle has been catching up with work and life after the illness, leaving little time for writing.  
> But never would I ever abandon a perverted tale. Things are calming down a little and 'It's just us now' will also continue shortly.  
> Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback! I will answer all your comments, that's a promise! <3  
> I will give no more warnings about the content. If you've come this far, you know what to expect.  
> Love you! (And may the force be with you. Always.)  
> /KZ

The giant hologram was already lit. My master loomed over the chamber as I stepped in and kneeled.  
“Rise.”  
I did, feeling a strong pull back to my rooms where Rey was. Trying to seem unaffected, I gazed at my master without blinking.

_“Is it done?”_  
“It’s not.” Before he could comment, I continued. “She is on contraceptives. It will be out of her system in four months at the earliest.”  
_“Four months? I cannot have you distracted for this long.”_  
“She is under my control. She won’t leave my side until it’s done.”

My master’s face turned into a sneer.  
_“Her presence has poisoned you. I can smell her venom in your blood.”_  
“It’s the bond. I am handling it.”  
_“And once it is fulfilled?”_  
I held my tongue, careful not to avert my gaze.

He leaned forward. Despite receiving the piercing glare from a hologram, I winced.  
_“The child will be given over to me. Together, we will create a new generation of force users, crafted from birth to be elite warriors of a kind the galaxy has never seen.”_  
I nodded slowly and emptied my mind on all thoughts. 

His mouth kept moving. I heard something about breaking her. Turning her to our side and make her cooperate. I remained in a meditative state, not allowing even one emotion to pass through. When he was done, I assured him that I had understood and bowed deeply.  
Then I walked a few steps backwards and left the chamber.

The reaction came once I was safe in my own rooms.  
At first, there was just not enough air. I gripped my lightsaber, but froze as dizziness welled up.  
What was this?  
My master was absolutely right. The plan was not only clever; it was ingenious. And it would mean that I could keep her for a long time.

If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was a reward, getting ordered to spend more time with her in bed. But I did know better.  
There was a strange taste in my mouth. I stumbled into the bathroom and threw up in the sink.  
The realization came creeping as the struggle to find resolve deepened. I could no longer separate the bond from myself.

She was awake. Impossible, judging from how strongly I had sedated her. Then again, that was just like Rey, ignoring the measure of power being launched against her.  
Quiet steps approached the bathroom. Then she stood in the doorway, gazing at me with disturbingly pure concern.  
“What is happening?” She asked.

“Go back to sleep.”  
I loosened my grip around the edges of the sink and straightened up, trying to look stern.  
“Are you ill?”  
“Why do you care? I am the one who keeps you imprisoned and tortures you, remember?”  
Nothing inside her changed. There was only a supernatural resolve, something that woke a primal imbalance in me.

It was as if the light had chosen to concentrate and manifest in her. There was no fear of me, no hesitation. Only a being perfectly attuned to my burdens and a sympathy that was so much larger than the small body it inhabited. Without breaking eye contact, she walked up to me.  
She glanced at the sink. Then she looked at me knowingly.

“Come back to bed.” She said.  
I winced. She seemed infinitely older than her age. Infinitely wiser, as if something spoke _through_ her. She took my hand, caressing it with her fingers.  
I only stared as she walked out. Seconds later I realized that she had asked me to come to bed with her. I rinsed and wiped my mouth before undressing, letting the garments fall on the floor as I approached the bed.

Rey laid facing me as I slipped under the cover.  
Shyly, she extended her arm over the pillow. I laid my head down on it slowly, close enough to feel her breath on my lips. She swallowed. Then her hand slipped into mine.  
I started to stroke her soft cheek with my thumb, very gently. She drew a quiet sigh, eyes closing, lips shivering slightly. 

The hunger for her was growing out of proportions. It was so much more than just the flesh.  
This gesture, offering comfort without even knowing what had just happened, rising above her own sorrow to meet mine, had to be the most distinguished trap the light side could come up with. I yearned for that purity; to possess it. To have the mercy of its embrace whenever I chose.

My breathing was speeding up. I leaned in and touched her lips with mine. She did not draw back. Her mouth opened just a little.  
I took her into my arms and deepened the kiss, prying her mouth further open. Her tongue pliantly met mine. The bond sparked and caught fire.  
Those little sighs she made… I was hard within seconds. 

I ran my hand over her waist, hips and thighs, moving underneath her panties.  
When I gripped her buttocks, she confirmed the sore memory with a gasp. For a moment, we both laid still. This hunger was not going to be satisfied with the usual ritual. Something between us was hovering, desperate and fearful.  
I was still her enemy. Once the bond let us go, what would be left to hold her to me?

Our eyes met.  
She was a perfect mirror, her struggle so blatantly on display, as if it was a powerful weapon.  
Wanting to give in, to let go, into the unknown… fearing the consequences for her allies and most of all, dreading how I would use such a surrender.  
I held her closer and pressed my lips to her forehead.

Her heart was beating as fast as mine.  
Warm fingertips burned against my cheek. Head tilting up, she placed a quick, chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth. Light as a feather, but it burned. Then she embraced me back, burying her face in my neck.  
My breathing got heavier. Now what?

I wanted to rip her clothes off in response, joining with her just to get closer. At the same time, the tenderness between us was as urgent as anything else. She had just made her first moves to answer my advances and there was a million ways to betray that trust. The lust seeping from her was overshadowed by her world-consuming wish for belonging. To know she was not alone and abandoned forever. 

I stroked her hair and shoulders, shaking with the effort to keep my hands in check. I did not think for a second that she really wanted to be here if she had been given a choice. But this might be my way in to change that. There was this hopeless conviction in her, that all beings had some sort of pure and good intent at the core. And now her mind was reaching out to me, wanting to give comfort and hoping to find some in return. 

Why she thought I deserved or needed to be comforted was beyond me, but it didn’t matter. I could play along and take advantage of this.  
At least I thought so for about five seconds.  
“You will never be alone.” I whispered, placing another kiss on her brow.  
Her hand landed on my chest, right where my heart was. 

A moment later, my senses were flooded by blinding, obliterating light, burning all my defenses to cinders. I was completely thrown of balance, annihilated and exposed.  
Tears started to spill uncontrollably. I became acutely aware of the weight in my stomach that had been there since the meeting with my master. It moved around, spitting burning venom like a poisonous snake. Awaking the other snakes with the darkest memories.

The pressure against my chest became unbearable.  
I clutched a fistful of her hair and pulled her head back, challenging her with my eyes.  
There was no aggression to find in her, no hidden attempt to undo me.  
Rey simply looked back, with solemn seriousness and a sympathy that was a lot more than I could grasp. She had thrown the armor aside and put all her weaknesses on display.

How could I be angry with her? Or use this situation? This was too real to be twisted into a game.  
I embraced her again, moving as tightly to her body as possible.  
For now, there would be no Supreme Leader, no First Order and no ugly schemes to taint this.  
Just us. 

Her hand was in my hair, stroking it gently, fingers entwining with the strands. I closed my eyes and swallowed. Her caresses continued along my scalp.  
My limbs was getting heavy. Somehow, despite everything, she managed to make me relax. Not long after that, I felt her warm tears against my throat. 

I lifted her head and kissed her brow, eyelids and cheeks. Then I just held her, cradling her and hoping that it would soothe the searing wound inside her.  
After a while, it did. The bond felt stronger, more intimate. At this moment, there was an absolute understanding between us. The details were unimportant. We both knew what the other one needed and there was a mutual will to exchange it.  
We fell asleep like that; our minds connected and our bodies entwined. 

She was not in bed when I woke up.  
I knew even before I opened my eyes. Only a second passed before her presence could be sensed nearby. She was in my exercise room, moving around. It had been far too long before we reaffirmed the bond. My whole body was screaming for her. I stumbled up, not bothering to get dressed, and went straight to where she was.

The sight of her made me freeze after just one step inside the room.  
The sun came through the large windows, making everything bathe in light. She was in the middle of the room, her hair tied back and the sunlight turning a thousand droplets on her skin into tiny stars. The grey pants were back on and the white tank top had become damp. Her eyes were flashing as she swung the short staff into attack positions, as if it was a lightsaber. 

Her resolute face said everything. Or it did until she saw me. Her mouth fell open in shock. Then she turned around quickly, swinging the staff with less accuracy.  
“Aren’t you going to get dressed?” She asked, while continuing her maneuvers.  
I did not reply. This side of her, the righteous Jedi in her white tank top, standing in the sun with a feverish glow on her skin, made me want her as I had never wanted anything before.

There was something pure in her annoyance, something clean and unspoiled, as if she was an eternal virgin that had yet to find the pleasures of the flesh.  
I started to walk towards her slowly, keeping my eyes on the staff.  
“Your training was interrupted.” I said. “I’ll make sure it continues. I’ll teach you myself.”  
“I don’t think Master Luke would approve of that.” 

The adrenaline started to flow at the mention of Luke. Such a cold voice. Whatever walls had been torn down between us last night, she was doing her best to rebuild them.  
I kept walking, keeping my body language calm not to alarm her. She stopped moving the staff, but held it ready. The moment I was close enough to tower over her, I put my hands on her cheeks and locked my eyes with hers.

“ _I_ am your master now.” I replied.  
For a moment, her steady gaze wavered. Then her lips shaped into a sneer and the staff shot up and pushed me backwards.  
I grabbed it, but she twisted it out of my hand and hit me over the fingers.  
“Don’t come any closer!” She warned.

Unbelievable. I reached out and used the force to pull loose another staff from the wall. The moment it landed in my hand, I swung it towards her weapon, aiming to strike it out of her hand.  
She dodged me with impressive speed and jumped backwards.  
“Stay-where-you-are!” She hissed, raising the staff.

The desperation was as strong in her as it was in me. What was she doing?  
“Drop the weapon, Rey.”  
“Put some clothes on!”  
“There is no need and you know it!”  
The glare I received was surprisingly devoid of hate. Mostly pleading.

I held my hand out.  
“Rey.” I tried to match the tone in my voice with her gaze.  
Her eyes turned to the window for a moment. Then, back to me. She lowered the staff.  
Following her example, I let mine drop to the floor.  
“You torture yourself.” I said.

“Isn’t that what you want?”  
I shook my head. “No. That is not what I want.”  
She was approaching me, letting go of the staff just before taking my hand. Her eyes were still restless, untrusting.  
I placed a hand on her cheek, pressing my fingertips lightly against the soft skin.

A gasp escaped my lips before I could stop it. Finally. The world made sense once more.  
“What I want,” I continued, “is for you to be content with this. With _me_.”  
Her gaze dropped to the floor. Again, this infinite sadness. I was drawn into her mood all too easy.  
“Tell me how you want this to happen.” I whispered. 

“That’s just it. You _know_ … better than I do.”  
I was about to reply, but she cut me off.  
“I saw you. I saw what happened. How you turned to the dark side.” She wiped her brow quickly. “It would be so much easier if you had no regrets, no conscience… I want to give you a chance. But what if I do?”

For a full second, I stood still, not knowing how to respond. She knew things. But exactly how much? Should I get righteously angry and demand a full account of her visions? I really did not want that. It was uncomfortable enough that she had used the words ‘regrets’ and ‘conscience’.  
Instead I embraced her, very aware of how my erection was pressing into her stomach.  
I wanted nothing to do with the past. Right now, all I needed was in my arms.

Still holding her, I lowered us both to the floor until we were on our knees, facing each other.  
I touched her cheek again, leaning in for a kiss. Her mouth met mine, pressing against my lower lip softly. She might as well have thrown a burning piece of cloth into a fuel tank.  
She was on her back instantly, with me on top and my tongue in her mouth.  
The bond was flooded with mutual, raging arousal.

Her heart was fluttering against my chest. I made my caresses softer. We needed this desperately, but somehow it was agonizingly pleasant to taste and feel her thoroughly, sucking her neck and feeling her hips press up against mine. The affection that permeated my every move was frightening.  
She worked with the knot keeping her pants in place. I pulled and she kicked until they were off.

Wrapping my arms around her, I lifted us both to a sitting position, with Rey straddling my lap. Our faces were only an inch apart. So far, I had been taking from her and only granted her scraps of the pleasure that she would not give herself. I wanted more connection this time. Real interaction. And she was showing signs of readiness for that.

“Rey.” I whispered, stroking her cheek. “When you’re ready, I want you to do it.” I directed her over my hard organ. “Press down. And please yourself.”  
The color in her face deepened. Even the ears. She would not look at me. It made me harder. If this didn’t happen soon, there was going to be an awkward problem. 

I held her close, stroked and kissed her, tuning in enough to find the sensitive spots. My hands were under the tank top, enjoying the smooth curves. Her breath hitched at every inhale. It was the most pleasing sound I had ever heard. 

I got inside her panties and took hold of the sore buttocks just to hear her gasp. Her hips were moving in small, careful thrusts. Letting my hand crawl further down, I felt the generous moisture.  
“You’re ready.” I said.  
Her face got even redder. 

She swallowed, hesitating for a few seconds before brushing my sex lightly with tentative fingers. A wild, dizzying current of pleasure sucked through my stomach. She probably sensed it. The fingers became steadier, stroking up and down my length a few times. Then her small hand closed around it, keeping it in position while the warm spot of her panties hovered right above it, sinking down for a light first contact. 

Another shock went through the whole system. I pulled the thin cloth aside, keeping it hooked to my fingers as I looked at her. She met my eyes for a second, startled. I gave her a short nod, hoping my impulses were under control enough not to ruin the moment.  
Eyelids dropping, she bit her lip and lowered her hips slowly. 

The second she pressed against my tip, face turning into a grimace as she was stretched by the penetration, I did something that I had never before needed to do. I used the force to hold my climax back. She moaned, halting every now and then to adjust. When she had the whole head of it inside, her hips made a slow roll. The raptured gasp following was enough for me to know I had to keep using the force.

I kept one hand at her buttocks and gripped her hip with the other, making sure she would not try to squirm out of this. She grabbed my shoulders, squeezing them as she tried another roll.  
“Deeper.” I breathed, kissing her lips as her brow connected with mine.  
Her sensations washed over me; craving to the point of madness and guilt like a black stain at the bottom of it.

“It’s alright.” I murmured, freeing her hip and cupping her cheek. “It will feel better further in.”  
I felt her wincing, relishing in my words at a deep and unexpected level. Then I saw it; the absence of trustworthy authority figures in her life; the missing parents whose tenderness and support she was starving for. She wanted the opportunity to rest in someone else’s hands, to get the tiniest grain of approval. 

I could absolutely give her that. The possibilities of it set me on fire, adding to the painfully withheld release.  
Seeing her comply and struggle to sink down a little more, I rewarded her with tender caresses, marveling at this small, endearing creature that gave herself over so genuinely.  
I took her hip again, guiding it close enough for her to rub against my stomach. She made a sound and rocked her hips faster, drawing me in and out of her with longer strokes. 

As the climax closed in, she got louder, throwing her arms around my neck and burying her face in it. I took her head with both my hands and held her face close to mine, fully focused on her approaching ecstasy. The moment it came, I let go as well. I underestimated how much her orgasm would strengthen mine. She had to feel it too, the way she trembled and cried out.  
Delirium took over. 

I was Rey, thinking her thoughts, feeling her hopes and fears.  
I was upset at this brooding dark force user who had kidnapped me, confused and frustrated about my own attraction towards him. And then I had peered into his secret past, seen and understood, reflected over how he tried- in his own twisted way- to please me. So now there was sympathy and maybe even worse. But I would not allow that, not allow myself to feel that…

When it wore off, I was on my back with Rey collapsed over me.  
I put my arms around her, refusing to open my eyes until I felt her come to life. She did not try to get away. We just laid there, breathing. The sun warmed our skins, a little too much for my taste. But Rey took pleasure from it, so I stayed put longer than intended.  
There was blood in the air, mingling with the heavy notes of intimacy.

I sat up slowly, holding her carefully while drawing out of her. As I suspected, there were streaks of blood on me, as well as her inner thighs. Small amounts compared to the first time, but even so, it had to hurt.  
I stroked her hair and cheeks, lifted her and carried her to the bathroom. She gave me a puzzled look, but did nothing to stop it.

I sat down on the bench opposite the shower with her still in my arms.  
“Will you let me wash you?” I whispered into her ear. “I’ll be very careful.”  
Her eyes met mine. Then, to my surprise, she only nodded.  
Reluctantly, I moved her out of my lap to sit beside me. Then I fetched a cloth and drenched it in warm water before kneeling in front of her.

Her panties were still not off; just very stretched in the middle. Keeping eye contact, I removed them and tossed them aside.  
“Spread your legs.” I said, making my voice soft. “Just a bit.”  
The color crept back into her face, but she did as told. I wiped the blood off her skin and took my time with it. 

It was a welcome opportunity to study her intimate parts in detail. Like everything else on her, they were perfect and impossibly alluring. There was a reddish swelling on the small knot and inner lips, so I was especially tender there.  
Her breathing changed. I glanced up at her. She watched me with eyelids half-closed, face flushed and tiny bumps rising on the neck and arms. 

I kept teasing her with the cloth, nudging against the most sensitive parts repeatedly. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall, breathing in quiet gasps.  
How could I resist? Tuning in to the force and the bond, I found every tender spot; sensing what sort of stimulation she reacted best to. 

When she could not hold back any longer, her thighs clenched against my hand and her fists pulled at my hair so hard I saw black dots exploding in the corners of my eyes.  
Before she could catch her breath, I pulled her up and led her out, towards the bedroom.  
“Kylo…” She began.  
“We’re not done.” I replied.

We stopped in front of the bed. I motioned for her to climb up on it. She did, legs still shaking as she got seated on the mattress, back straight and senses alert despite the lingering haze. I entered the bed immediately after, kneeling opposite her, close enough to make our knees touch.  
“You are never naked when we do this.” I said. “Take your top off.”  
“No.” She frowned, offended.

“What are you trying to hide? I know what you look like.”  
“I’m not hiding. You wouldn’t understand.”  
“Try me.”  
The impatience crawled through my arms and legs. I had to fight to remain still.  
She turned her face away, cheeks glowing. I sensed annoyance and distress. 

In the silence that followed, the answer appeared.  
“You think it’s too intimate.” I stated. “You think that if there’s too much skin touching… something will be… defined.”  
Her eyes were back on me. Defiant. Reproaching.  
“None of us chose this. You know that.”

“If you are so unwilling, then what is this thing you’re fighting?” My voice had become sharp.  
“I’m not fighting anything.”  
“So now you are lying. You know I can see right through you.”  
“What does it matter? None of this is real!”

“Is that what you think?!” I spat. “The force shaped you to be a perfect match for me. If anything in this whole cursed galaxy is real, this is it!”  
She shook her head, but I could see how this rocked her fundaments. Somewhere inside, she knew it was true. And somewhere inside, I knew I had to calm down if I wanted her cooperation.  
“Please.” I said, lowering my voice to what I hoped was a soothing level. “Let me see you.”

A prolonged silence followed, where we seemed to be involved in a stare down. Then she raised her chin, challenging me with a face that radiated superiority and pulled the tank top over her head. After throwing it aside, she immediately crossed her arms over the chest. Eyes wide, she tried to maintain her cool, but the flickering anxiety shone through.

The sight was enthralling; the chaste girl with her forbidden longing. Carrying my black collar. My heart was speeding up.  
Was she trying to drive me completely over the edge?  
“Rey.” I murmured, stroking her cheek as I leaned closer, wrapping my arm around her bare waist. 

She did shy away from my touch a little, but as my hand traced down her neck, pulling at the collar before reaching for her other cheek, she softened.  
“Beautiful Rey.” I continued. “You are perfect.”  
Her shield was lowered further as I kept stroking and kissing her anywhere I could reach.  
Flushed and short of breath, she leaned against my shoulder.

Her hair was still tied back, though not so neatly anymore. I loosened the ribbon and ran my fingers through the hair, letting it down carefully. Then I lifted her head and held it between my hands.  
Our eyes met. I lost my ability to speak. Hers was the beauty of spiritual creatures, a perfection that no physical being could achieve.

There was heat in my face. It was like my teens all over again, not daring to move in fear of making a mistake.  
Slowly, her small hand reached out, touching my cheek. Something inside me was coming apart. This was playing with fire, allowing the light to ensnare me with its promises, making me feel lost and broken.

Soothing caresses on my cheek. I held her closer and resumed kissing and stroking her. My hand was large enough to cover both her small, firm breasts. I loved that about her, the womanish and girlish features mixing to make her purity all the more attractive to spoil.  
“Rey.” I whispered into her ear.  
I had to sound foolish, repeating her name like that. Her presence were just too overwhelming to be addressed in any other way.

I directed us to lie down and took the opportunity to press my naked torso against Rey’s. Her pleasure vibrated through the force, shimmered in her face as my soft strokes continued.  
Then, just I had hoped, her hands started to move. They were far from the bold exploring I did, but the shivering, light fingertips sliding down my arms and over my back sent strong, dizzying ripples down my spine. 

Naturally, I was blood-filled and ready for another tumble with her. The friction between our sexes alone might do the trick. As if reading my mind, she parted her legs, leaving room for me to press closer. The blood was singing and boiling through my veins. This was another level of arousal entirely, having her participating. I thrusted against her, sucking her neck and forgetting to breathe every now and then as her hands kept moving.

A nervous hand searched its way down my stomach and closed around my throbbing limb. It was enough to make the pinnacle pulsate out over her belly, holding me in an extended rapture.  
Overheated to the point of dripping, I found her mouth and united with it.  
My com link started to make a high, irritating noise. I ignored it, shutting the noise out as I savored her smell, taste and touch. 

I burnt it into my soul, making sure it would be with me forever.  
“Ben.” She whispered.  
Too satisfied to get annoyed, I simply let it go. She brushed my ear, inhaling to say more.  
The loud crackling of the emergency speaker drowned it out. General Hux’ drawling voice flooded the room.

_“Since you seem to have lost your communication device, I have no choice but to contact you this way. You are called into urgent duty by the Supreme Leader. We are leaving the base in thirty minutes and you are to be in your shuttle then. Over and out.”_  
I rose on an elbow and glared at the speaker. A second later, it was wrenched from its place in the roof by an invisible hand and crashed to the floor.

Rey sat up and looked from me to the speaker.  
“Did you do that on purpose?” She asked.  
I winced, remembering the many times things like this had happened by accident in my youth.  
“We need to go.” I said. “You are coming with me. Get cleaned up and dressed. We leave this room in fifteen minutes.”

Her face brightened. She did not enjoy being locked up in the same space for too long. Like me, she needed adventure and a change of scenery. Even so, her mood shifted into suspicion within seconds.  
“Where are we going?” She asked. “Who will you fight against?”  
It was best not to answer. I was not entirely sure, but whoever the enemy was, Rey probably wouldn’t like it. 

She asked no more questions, but the misgivings increased.  
Within ten minutes, she stood cleaned up and fully dressed by the door. The mixture of resistance outfit and basic First Order clothes did not do her justice. I would have to deal with that later.  
The moment I was done dressing, she crossed her arms.

“I need my weapon.” She said.  
I scoffed in disbelief.  
Walking up to her, I took hold of her arms and changed my voice into a commander’s.  
“When we reach our destination, you will remain in the shuttle the entire time.” I said. “Understood?”

Her gaze was steady.  
“You are alive because I allowed it.” She replied. “Have you forgotten that?”  
I blinked. Was she actually bringing up the fight on Starkiller base?  
“Be careful of what you say.” I warned. “It won’t help your situation.”  
“I want to be able to defend myself.”  
“I’m sure you can manage that without a weapon. And you will not take part in any battle.”

Silence.  
“When we go out this door,” I said, “you will be on your best behavior. You will stay by my right side the entire time, walk in my pace and stop when I stop. You will not speak to anyone, even if they speak to you. Not without my consent. Is that clear?”  
After a short pause, she gave me a nod.

I hesitated for a heartbeat before pulling her in to kiss her. She was taken aback, but allowed it to happen. One more thing left to do. Using the force from where I stood, I loosened the shackles from the head of the bed and let them soar into my hand.  
“Hold your wrists out.” I said.

She remained still, eyebrows raised.  
“I know you can free yourself whenever you choose.” I said impatiently. “But you can’t walk around this base looking like you’re one of us. Unless…”  
Her hands shot out immediately and stayed in place while I fastened the cuffs.  
Though she scowled, I could not stop smirking.

On the way to the docking bay, the com link rang out again, this time signaling a message. Keeping one eye on Rey, I opened it and read.  
I meant to browse through it, but when I saw the subject, my focus became sharp. Rey’s message to the resistance had been retrieved and decoded. A complete account of it was added.

I glanced at her, noting how she radiated dignity as she walked with her back straight and a face that promised no compromises. The collar and the cuffs might as well have been jewelry for a queen. _My_ queen.  
I bit my lip and walked faster. I needed to read this in private. 

As we reached the docking bay, Hux was already there, ready to board his own shuttle.  
“Head for _The Finalizer_.” He said. “It will take some time to reach our destination. We will be briefed shortly.”  
He eyed Rey critically.  
“This mission is of great importance.” He added. “I expect no trouble.”

“We’ll meet at _The Finalizer_.” I replied, turning my back to him. Normally, I would not have let his demeaning tone slide, but there was a message waiting in my com link that was of great personal interest. I led Rey on board my shuttle and into the small passenger’s compartment. There was no more than a bunk and a small table fastened to the wall, with a monitor hanging above it. I opened a narrow cabinet with a built in heater and pulled out a portion of food.

“Sit.” I said, pointing to the bed.  
She obeyed and the moment the food was warm, I handed it to her along with a bottle of water.  
“Wait here.”  
I walked out to the cockpit and found the two pilots seated. I sank down into my command chair behind them and opened the message again, quickly scrolling to the text Rey had sent. I took a deep breath.

_My dear Finn,_  
_I have no time to write more than this. I have something I need to take care of and it cannot involve anyone else. The situation forces me to make some changes. Though I love you will all my heart, we will have to break up, here and now. I can only beg for your understanding and for your friendship. Tell the others not to look for me. I will hopefully be back soon. Tell Luke I’m sorry and that I hope to remain his student if he can forgive me for taking off. Again, I am really sorry._  
_I’ll love you always,_  
_Rey_

I was frozen. When the shuttle took off, I was still in the chair, staring blankly in front of me to keep calm. Trashing the ship might kill us all.  
The snake in my stomach was on the move again, eating away at my intestines.  
I had to confront her with this. She had to pay. _Someone_ had to. And the traitor would have to go.

It was not just fury. The sinking feeling of hopelessness that had haunted me since Han Solo’s death was returning. I just sat there, taking it all in, until I could contain it no longer. Then I rose and walked back to the passenger’s compartment, locking the door behind me.  
Rey had finished the meal and laid down, wrapping a blanked around her. I swallowed.  
“Get up.” I said.


	7. Explosions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one and faster than before. I'm improving. :-)  
> I said I should stop warning you, but there is a perverted turn in this one again... surprise! XD  
> Again, I am very grateful for you who take the time to comment and give cudos. It really makes my day! <3  
> Enjoy and may the Force be with you. Always.

Rey rose slowly, dazed. Within a second her gaze was on me, sharp and alert.  
She had freed herself from the shackles and left them on the floor.  
“What’s wrong?”  
I stared at her, trying to hide how upset I was. Then I willed the shackles to my hand and grabbed her wrist.

“I did not give you permission to sleep.” I said, fastening the shackles on her once more.  
“I don’t need those.”  
“You don’t decide that.”  
I looked around the room and found a metal loop on the wall that was meant to carry equipment. Pushing her towards it, I fastened the shackles there. 

Now she was left standing with her back to the wall, arms over her head with her hands coming together by the loop. Tempting, if it wasn’t for the look on her face. I felt the stab in her chest.  
Good. I wanted this to hurt.  
“Why are you doing this?” She asked, frowning.

I pretended to ignore her and laid down on the bunk, hands behind my head, staring up at the low roof. The Supreme leader had been right. I was acting like a complete idiot, assuming things that was far too unrealistic. The bond had distorted my mind completely, setting feelings in motion that shouldn’t be there. Rey had been right. This wasn’t real.  
But the texts had explicitly mentioned that the bond did not create artificial feelings.

Was I falling for her? I better not. She had made her position very clear and frankly, someone like her was not likely to get used to my way of life anytime soon.  
But why was that inferior traitor, with no knowledge of the force, to prefer over me?  
My thoughts wandered involuntarily to my former mother. Something was just beyond reach in the dim corners of the past; something important.

“What happened? Tell me!”  
Rey again. She didn’t like to be shut out. The clench in her stomach was felt in mine. Extremely annoying. _She_ was the one who should suffer. It should give satisfaction to see her like this, expelled from my bed and forced to confront her fear of abandonment. Instead, I was cold and nauseated. When I didn’t reply, her voice got darker.

“If you won’t speak to me, I’ll set myself free and ignore you too!”  
“You do not want to cause any problems right now, believe me.”  
“Problems?” She spat. “Do you know what the problem is, Ben Solo? Your temper!”  
Something snapped. I flew up from the bed and gripped her chin.  
“That’s it! The moment we return, you’ll be chained up in the interrogation room permanently!”

I heard the locks in the cuffs click open and was able to stop a fist aiming for my face. I was not ready for the foot in my stomach. It came with the full strength of the force, sending me into the wall. The pain pushed me into full fury. I threw myself at her and we both tumbled down on the floor in a wild wrestling match. 

“I won’t let you do this to me!” She cried. “I won’t play along with your cruel games!”  
“ _My_ games?” I shouted back. “What about yours, little desert-rat? I know exactly what you’re doing and it won’t work!”  
Her elbow hit my temple. Hard. Catching her arm, I fell to the side, still holding her in an iron grip.

“I’m turning myself inside out to handle this!” She panted, fighting to get free. “What else do you expect me to do?!”  
_“Let him go!”_  
The silence that followed was deafening. In the seconds that passed, we ceased struggling. She glowered at me, mouth half open.

“Finn?” She breathed. “This is about _Finn?_ ”  
My hands withdrew from her. I stumbled up and walked out quickly, shutting the door behind me. I stood still for a moment, trying to catch my breath.  
The small compartment was really not suitable for brawls. We had bumped into edges and walls, probably causing a terrible noise. 

I could sense how the pilots struggled to pretend like they had heard nothing, even though they feared for their lives. I did think about choking one of them, but that would only make me look overly dramatic, not to mention irredeemably monstrous. She shouldn’t get any more clues about the hold she had on me. But she knew. Of course she knew.

I spent the rest of the journey in my command chair, trying to distance myself from her. It failed. She rolled in and out of focus, sometimes clearly seen, sitting in the corner below the bunk, hugging her knees.  
Even though there could have been no more than forty-five minutes before we reached _The Finalizer_ , it felt like a lifetime. 

When I walked in to get her she was still crouching on the floor, refusing to look at me.  
The fever was on the marsh again, urging us to fulfill the union. I felt it in her too. It was below her, sitting on the dirty floor of a small compartment, dressed in simple, crude clothing.  
One dip into her mind now and I would be lost again. I had to stay strong.

The most prominent generals and officers were waiting in the war room and I had to be in absolute control as I entered. Hux would not get more material to his long list of complaints.  
And I had to make Rey obey my every command.  
“Rise and put your hands behind your back.”  
After a moment of hesitation she followed my orders, still averting her eyes.

I directed her to turn around and cuffed her once more, struggling against my instincts to tear her clothes off. Her quiet, irregular breathing did not help. My hands closed around her arms.  
Good thing I could not see her eyes from this angle.  
“You’ll do exactly what I say.” I said into her ear. “If you do the slightest thing to displease me, you will regret it.”

“Kylo…”  
“Let’s go.” I pushed her out of the compartment, holding her firmly by the arm and shutting myself off from her all that I could.  
We walked out to the docking bay, greeted by numerous platoons of Stormtroopers, positioned in perfect squares. Most of the officers had gathered too.

As we began to walk past them, Captain Phasma approached us.  
“Sir. You are asked to attend the meeting at once. Shall I relieve you of the prisoner?”  
“No.”  
Rationally, I knew I could not bring Rey into the meeting. There was just no way I would let her out of my sight.

As I predicted, the present officers reacted the moment I walked in to the war room with her.  
No one said anything, save for one.  
“May I remind you,” Hux said coldly, “That this meeting is for those with the highest security clearance only?”  
Even Rey was looking at me.

I turned to her and made a sweeping gesture. As predicted, she passed out and fell into my arms.  
Carrying her to the high end of the table, I took a seat there- opposite Hux- putting Rey in a sitting position by my feet, leaning against my legs. Her head was in my lap and I could not resist putting a hand on it.  
While the officers sat down and Hux started the meeting, my hand tensed enough to cause pain.

She was awake.  
Deeply focused on keeping the body relaxed and the breathing slow, all her senses were alert. I made a move to rise but stopped. Everybody flinched, staring at me.  
How was this even possible? And what was worse? That Rey could hear everything or that my powers and my authority over her were openly questioned in front of Hux? 

I swallowed and remained seated, looking at Hux with a straight face.  
His patience was about run out as he spoke, but as usual, he controlled the anger with a certain amount of snarky remarks spun into the conversation.  
The chair felt increasingly uncomfortable as the operation was revealed. There had been an uprising at Bonadan- one of our mining colonies- and it had become huge. We needed to set an example.

For me, this would mean ground battle mostly, which was good news. I could not wait to tear some limbs off. We had gone into hyperspace already and within eight hours we were expected to arrive.  
The moment the meeting was over I rose abruptly, carrying Rey to my private rooms at _The Finalizer_. Once inside, I dropped her harshly on the bed. 

“You can open your eyes now.” I said icily.  
She did, looking extremely defiant and a little guilty. I gazed down at her, very close to the boiling point in all possible ways.  
“You read the message.” She said. “That message was…”

I clutched her bound wrists and neck and pulled her up, pressing her into the nearest wall. She let out a startled cry.  
“When I’m done, you’ll never want to cross me again!” I hissed into her ear.  
“I don’t care what you do to me!”  
“Maybe you don’t even care what I’ll do to your allies and your precious traitor!”

“I’ll stop you!”  
“You can try. If I won’t bother to crush him myself, I will send the galaxy’s vilest assassin on his throat. Because of your disobedience, he is marked.”  
I pulled her away from the wall and threw her on the floor. She was only disoriented for seconds before she sat up, eyes large.

A cold knife slashed through my intestines. Her consternation, surely. I locked eyes with her, hoping that she could sense how much I meant every word.  
“Don’t.” She said. “I’ll never forgive you!”  
“I don’t need your forgiveness.” I lied. “If you can’t let the past go, I’ll make you.”

The knife again, twisting.  
“What…do you want?” She asked, her voice wavering.  
Was this real? Most likely. I could smell her fear and desperation. And it turned my white, burning fury into bottomless, clawing hunger.  
“What I want?” I said, raising an eyebrow. “You know what I want. Don’t you?”

I took a step forward, towering over her.  
“Kylo… tell me what to do!”  
I shook my head.  
“You’ve broken your promise to obey me already. Try harder.” 

“But I don’t know what you…”  
“You do.”  
She lowered her head before looking up at me again, eyes naked.  
“I’ll do anything.” She whispered. “I’ll stay. With you.”

“To protect the traitor? That is not nearly good enough.”  
I squatted beside her, letting my fingers press into her jaw. So much distress.  
“From now on, you will cut all strings to your past.” I said. “No one will have your affection but me. And I will have all of you. _Everything._ ”

The color in her face faded.  
When she didn’t reply, I went on.  
“You will give yourself to me completely. Do you understand what this means? No passive compliance, no reservations. If you deviate from this, I will destroy your friends without warning.”

The artery in her neck was pulsating fast. After a silent struggle, she met my eyes. Determined.  
“I promise.” She said.  
“We’ll see what your promise is worth. You still need to atone for your behavior.”

I dragged her to my bed and sat down on its side, forcefully adjusting her to lay across my lap, face down and buttocks easily accessible. I caught her wrists, even though she was still bound, making sure she would not move around to much.  
Her breathing got shallow and fast when I pulled her pants down to lay bare the essential parts.

The stripes from her whipping was still freshly red. I ran my gloved fingers over them, probing and raking. Small whimpers escaped her. It was enough to get me stone hard.  
Her despair was burning in me and yet I knew she craved this down to the depths of her soul. Instead of torturing herself for putting her loved ones in danger, she had me to release her from the guilt, to measure the severity of the crime and execute the punishment.

My hand rose and came down on her bared stripes with force. She twitched and cried out. I looked at the red mark forming on the tender skin and let all frustration loose. The blows rained hard as her cries became louder. Halfway through, I took the glove off to feel her blazing skin against mine. By then, she was sobbing. The wails resumed with new strength as the hard slaps continued. 

When my own hand had become numb and the need for her was unbearable, I slid out from underneath her and moved her to the center of the bed, stomach still facing down. Face flushed and wet with tears, she glanced back at me. Warm affection ran through every vein. My beautiful Jedi was so ready to serve my every whim. She had found the purpose she needed to endure anything.

I opened my pants and probed at the small cleft between her legs. Even her thighs were wet.  
“You make yourself so available to me.” I said. “I’m sure you will enjoy this.”  
Then I pushed in, inch by inch, urged on by her agonized moans. Leaning down over her back, I kissed her ear and put my index finger in her mouth. Her lips closed around it, obediently avoiding teeth. 

I was dizzy from the high. The distressed sounds she made mingled with her undeniable pleasure and could keep me going forever. Thrusting into her while biting the slender neck, I made sure my finger was wet enough before I put it in between her buttocks, finding the tight, unexplored entrance. A slight pressure on it was all it took to make her stiffen.

“Be still.” I said under my breath. “I need to prepare you.”  
When the tip of my finger slid in, she made a loud gasp with a high pitched sound. She was really tight. It would probably take a couple of weeks before she was stretched enough to handle me.  
She squirmed a little as I worked the finger further in. I had to add more of my weight on her. After a few seconds, she realized the advantages of keeping still and let my finger in all the way.

Her sobs and moans as I rode her with the added finger drove me over the edge. There was a lot of seed this time, typically built up from all the previous anger. I emptied everything into her before leaning my head against hers, catching my breath. She would need to be satisfied as well. There had been enough compliance for her to deserve that. 

I let the shackles fall off and turned her around, straddling her.  
“Please yourself.” I commanded, leaning over her and supporting my weight with a hand on each side of her head.  
The pleading gaze I received was only strengthening my desire to see this through.  
Her fingers moved down, trembling. My seed was coming out of her already, sticking to her fingers as she put them in, letting her palm press against the blood filled tiny knot.

Her hands and hips rocked in a careful dance, intensifying quickly while her eyes remained shut and her face dark red. I was panting as much as her when the climax drew close, nestling a finger in next to hers to make sure the bond would not backfire if I did not touch her.  
She came with intensity, quivering and gasping. Even a small tear trickled out.  
The sight was consuming.

I stroked my hand over her mouth gently, keeping it there.  
“Kiss it.” I ordered.  
She pressed her lips to my knuckles, but not without glaring at me with a beautiful mix of hatred and pleasure. I had planned to get up after this, to mark my capacity of distancing myself from her, but I just couldn’t. Whether I wanted it or not, she held me chained on a short leach. 

Instead I spooned her tightly and stroked her hair.  
“You did well, taking the punishment. I am very pleased with you.”  
She drew a breath and let it out slowly. 

The anger still hadn’t seeped out of me, but it had settled, anticipating the release battle would bring. Before falling asleep, I grabbed my com link and sent a message to my knights to meet me at our destination. If a demonstration of power was to be made, it might as well be done properly. Also, I wanted them to meet Rey and know that she was by my side, under my protection. 

When _The Finalizer_ had arrived on location, we were already in the shuttle.  
Rey’s inner conflict had been dominating the bond the whole journey. I had even felt it in my sleep. As the pilots took us closer to the capital city, I sat in the command chair with Rey kneeling by my feet, her head in my lap. I stroked her cheek in an attempt to calm the storm inside her.

As we came closer to the surface of Bonadan, I saw the extent of the uprising. In the distance, several government buildings were burning. My heart started to race. I longed to meet the troublemakers head on, swinging my lightsaber and using my powers to spread fear and death.  
Then it hit me.  
I had been so preoccupied with fearing for Rey’s health that I had not considered my own.

What if something happened down there? I had not foreseen my own death or even had whispers about it, but all the craziness with the bond might have quenched that. I had never feared passing over to the other side, but now there was something holding me to the physical plane.  
And Rey…if I died…

For the first time in my life I considered playing it safe in battle, sending my knights ahead first.  
Even though it hurt my pride, I would have to do it.  
The ship landed close to a small patch of trees. Rey looked at me.  
“I want my lightsaber.” She said.

“We’ve been through this. You are to stay inside the shuttle and it will be guarded with…”  
“And if I need to defend myself?”  
I sighed. She was right. The most capable warrior behind the lines would be her.

“You may _borrow_ the lightsaber you recently had.” I said.  
“But it’s mine!”  
“No, it’s _mine_.”  
She laid her hand on my arm, looking me in the eye.

“You want me to give you everything.” She said. “If you want me fully by your side, you have to give me a chance.”  
I frowned at her and bit my lip, but handed her Anakin’s lightsaber that I always carried with me. Since she was mine as well, it would not make much of a difference if she used it.

I did not have to wait long for my knights.  
They gathered outside the shuttle and as we made our exit, I sensed their reaction to Rey. Her strength in the force was detectable like the brightest star in the galaxy. I had her walking on my right side, unbound but still marked with the collar.  
We stopped in front of them.

“This is Rey.” I said. “Two of you will stay here with her. If you are attacked, you will fight to the death to keep her alive.”  
They all gave me a nod, approving the order.  
“I can defend myself.” Rey murmured between clenched teeth.  
I ignored her and chose my two most trusted knights to guard the shuttle.

“This is Vohl and Gehri.” I said to Rey. “Keep close to them at all times until I’m back.”  
Our eyes met. I could not bear the idea of leaving without any sign of affection. Screw it. My knights would find out sooner or later.  
I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her in for a deep kiss. Then I released her just as fast and called for the rest of the knights to follow me. 

The heat from the fires hit our skins the moment we walked in to the city. It was really thrown into chaos. Civilians were running in and out of shops, plundering all they could find. Further in, we heard shots and explosions.  
The orders were to save the city, but extinguish all troublemakers we could find. After us there would be troopers, walkers and tanks moving in, taking care of the rest. 

Our job was to spread legends of horror and fear into the hearts of the survivors.  
The moment we found the main street leading to the torched City Hall, I ignited my lightsaber and set myself free from everything but the thirst for destruction.  
When the red haze finally lifted, we had reached the gates of City Hall. 

I was drenched in blood. My clothes were ripped and burnt from laser shots and close combat.  
My knights had made it in one piece as well, more or less roughed up.  
We left room for the ground troops to raise our flag outside the building once more, while they fought to extinguish the fire.  
I took shelter behind the remains of a wall and focused on Rey. My heart skipped a beat.

Through her eyes I caught glimpses of attackers. And grenades flying through the air.  
I ran down to our army and mounted a speeder, throwing the biker aside.  
Flying through the streets at maximum speed, I failed to see the other vehicle appearing from an alley. The impact hurled me into the air and knocked me down to the stone pavement.

For a second, all went black. As I fought my way back to consciousness, I smelled the speeder and its fuel burning.  
Forcing my body to rise, I felt searing pain in my leg and left hand.  
The other vehicle had crashed into a wall. The driver was lifeless.

I swallowed the pain and started to run. I was not so far from the border of the city and in a few minutes the shuttle was in sight, some thousand yards away.  
Then, with a blinding flash, my shuttle exploded into a flaming inferno.  
_“Rey!”_ I bellowed. Before my knees hit the ground, I knew that she was still alive. But for how long?

I saw silhouettes in front of the fire, some of them moving closer. I got up and kept running, activating my weapon. Then I sensed her. The one in the front, running towards me. I did not slow down even when I locked my arms around her. We both tumbled to the ground, me on top of her, touching her everywhere to make sure she was in one piece.  
“You were in an accident.” She panted. “I felt…”

I locked our mouths together before she could continue, starting to rip at her clothes.  
Moments later, my two knights arrived and we both got up from the ground.  
“What happened?” I asked, my voice sharp.  
“A band of terrorists attacked from the forest.” Vohl replied. “The pilots made it out and Rey is in one piece.”

“My shuttle.” I muttered.  
“Actually, _I_ saved the pilots.” Rey said, annoyed that we spoke over her head. “I sensed the grenade before it came in. _And_ , I saved myself, plus one of your knights, from dying.”  
“Is this true?” I asked, looking at Vohl and Gehri.  
“It is.” Gehri admitted.

Another shuttle approached us, coming in for a landing close by. Hux.  
Once the ramp came down, Hux walked out, completely unruffled by the battle. Being a general, he had as usual directed the operation safely behind lines.  
“The operation was a success.” Hux exclaimed. “The leaders of this misguided rebellion has been rounded up and shot. Order will be restored shortly.”

I only looked at him, too proud to ask for a ride.  
“The medical droids are waiting inside.” He continued. “I trust your soldiers have other means of travelling.”  
I gave him a nod, not a little confused. The Supreme Leader had probably ordered him to pick me up. That was the only time Hux ever acted this generously towards me.

I told my knights to contact the others and meet me back at _The Finalizer_. Then I entered his shuttle with Rey. The droids waited in the passenger’s compartment. I ordered them out immediately and locked the door behind me and Rey.  
“Your leg…” She began. 

I pushed her down on the bed and threw myself over her, finishing my work on ripping her clothes off. Within seconds, she was smeared with the blood on my clothes and skin. The moment she was naked I drove into her, still fully dressed. When the pain turned into pleasure for her, she threw her arms around my neck. I lifted her and shoved her into a wall, taking her harshly against it while her legs was wound around my hips. 

I came quickly, holding her throat so that she couldn’t turn her face away.  
As I fought to regain my breath, I started to feel the leg and hand. I sat down on the bed with Rey still straddling me.  
“Finish it.” I breathed.  
Her hips started to roll, belly rubbing against my stomach as I had taught her. 

She was close when Hux banged on the door.  
_“What are you doing in there!? This is my ship, Ren!”_  
“Ignore him.” I said. “Come for me, Rey.”  
And in her special, beguiling way she did as told, moaning aloud while the orgasm coursed through her.

I kissed her forehead, holding her close in the aftermath.  
Hux was relentless. I hung my robe around Rey’s shoulders and put her down on the bed. Then I opened the door, blocking the way in.  
“We’re ready for the droids.” I said, letting them through.  
“You expect me to use that compartment again without a chemical cleansing?” Hux hissed.

I couldn’t help smirking. This day might not turn out so bad after all.  
Hux turned away from me in disgust and took place in his command chair behind the pilots.  
The door slid shut once more and while the shuttle brought us back, the droids concluded that I had bones broken in my leg and hand. While getting first aid, I watched Rey as she laid down, wrapping my robe tighter around her body.

I laid my healthy hand on her, seeing how she gradually relaxed and became drowsy.  
She was not happy about the new situation, but at least I had detected true concern for me.  
For now, that had to be enough. There were plans waiting to be realized and once she found out about them, there would probably be another little rebellion from her. But it was still weeks until the presiding official of The Order could arrive and declare us legally wed.


	8. Turning Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! I promised myself, no writing until I had finished my exams. And it took time due the illness I am recovering from. But it's DONE, so I'm celebrating with a brand new chapter! Sorry for keeping you waiting! Warm gratitude to all those who still follow the story. <3
> 
> May the force and lots of hugs be with you. Always.  
> /KZ

Staying put at the base with a broken leg was a real challenge.  
Even though we had access to the best medical equipment in the galaxy, it had taken a week before I could walk properly. Meanwhile, I had stayed in my rooms with a crutch, preferring not to be seen in the common areas until fully healed. 

Then there was Rey, the beautiful apparition that floated around my quarters, making it impossible to focus on anything else.  
Not that she even tried to get my attention. For seven days she had been a ghost, not even protesting when I had her collar engraved with my name. 

I had loved it, standing behind her and holding her chin up, whispering that she should be absolutely still while a droid had it done. It had taken me some time to figure out what to write. ‘Belongs to Kylo Ren’ or ‘Property of Kylo Ren’ had initially seemed best, but I settled for my name only. That should be enough information for everyone. It was almost like an engagement ring, promising further bondage within short. 

The force had chosen her to be my life partner and I really did not mind. The faster it could be official, the better. Perhaps it would make it easier for her to leave the past behind. For now, whenever I tuned in to her mood, I was ridden with guilt.  
It did not take a mind reader to know that she was deeply disappointed with me.

I could see why.  
There was not much left for me to care about, I had made sure of that. It was absolutely necessary to remain true to the cause. But I could not be indifferent about her. And my outburst about killing her ex-boyfriend and destroying all she cared about was not the most efficient way to get her cooperation. Or her affection. 

There had to be something I could do.  
Rey laid in bed on her stomach, reading a history book on the holo pad I had given her. I sat beside her, leaning back against pillows that were tucked to the wall, using my own pad.  
She had been provided with literature which covered the basics of general knowledge about the galaxy. 

The resistance had given her free access to the galactic library server, but no one had seemed to care about giving her directions or structure. So very typical of those so called freedom fighters, to leave the education of their great new hope to chance.  
That had all changed now. She had a strict schedule for studies and exams. The exams would be me giving her questions until I thought her knowledge was satisfactory. 

Secretly, I hoped her answers wouldn’t be too perfect. It would be such a pleasure to get to reprimand her in all kinds of ways.  
But this sadness she bore, shutting herself off from the surroundings, barely noticing me as I grew even more desperate for her attention- was killing me. Our intimate moments were initiated by me only and she endured them rather than enjoy them.

She had behaved outstanding in battle and I had no plans to follow up on my promise to chain her in the interrogation room. But whenever I tried to connect on a deeper level, there was just emptiness in return. Was it possible, despite the bond and our entwined fates, that I could end up meaning nothing to her?

No. I would not accept that.  
There had to be something…  
Again, the image of my former mother appeared, clearer than the last time.  
The memory was vivid, carrying trees and sunlight from a simpler life. Leia was in focus, her long dark hair touching my shoulder as she leaned close to my ear.

She stood behind me, hands on my shoulders. Her touch, as always, brought absolute calm.  
I was no more than twelve and had gotten infatuated with a girl I did not have the courage to approach. A daughter to one of the rebels.   
“It’s easy, really.” Leia whispered. “Make it about _her_. Ask questions, find out who she is. And whenever you sense she needs something, offer it to her. She will feel special and remember who makes her feel that way.”

I swallowed and shoved the memory far back into a dark corner. But I was not stupid enough to ignore the advice I had just remembered. The way most men and even some women had looked at Leia through my childhood was evidence enough. She knew all about the art of seduction and as uncomfortable as it was, I had to remember as much as I could about her game.

I looked at Rey. Her need for a family and for parental care was obvious. What else?  
What did she need right now? I touched her shoulder, letting my hand slide slowly down her back. She tried to maintain focus on the text, but her quiet, shivering breaths said otherwise.  
My fingers played at the nape of her neck.

Eyes fixed on the screen, she became rigid; teeth clenching and skin prickling. I continued to touch her, slowly and softly. Her eyes closed and the pad slipped out of her grip.  
I laid down next to her, watching every reaction as I caressed the scalp, neck and shoulders, moving down her back and then up again.  
Impossibly young and beautiful… and all this incomprehensible power.

Gradually, her thoughts became easier to access.  
Sadness. Increasing difficulty to breathe. Sick of being locked up in these rooms. Too dark. Too stuffy. Then sunlit images of the trees outside. Green and gold. A desperate longing to smell the leaves, to feel the wind and the sun against her face.

I brushed her cheek with my knuckles, as gently as I could.  
“We’ll go for a walk outside.” I whispered. “Right after.”  
There was no need to explain after what.  
Moving an inch closer, I stroked her hips and buttocks. She let out a stifled gasp.  
“Stay like this.” I said.

There was no protest as I rolled on top of her and made sure not to put my full weight into it.  
She was shaking with the effort to stay in control.  
“Let go.” I whispered, kissing her ear. “Just for now. Let go.”  
Her small hands clutched the cover. 

Laying like this- pressed against her buttocks- made me instantly hard.  
I kept placing kisses on her shoulders and the nape of her neck, keeping my caresses gentle while I opened my pants and lifted her tunic. No trousers and no underwear would have suited her best, but I had some work to do before she would agree to that. 

“Pull your pants down.” I breathed into her ear.  
Her hands stayed in place.  
“You want this too, Rey, so quit playing.”  
“You think it’s a game?”  
Her voice was wavering, but the edge in it was too sharp to ignore.

“Now what? Are you prepared to get mortally ill again?”  
“Will you keep on threatening people I care about?”  
I sneered and rolled off her, buttoning my pants. She rolled over and sat up, locking eyes with me. Heavy arousal was still written all over her face.

“It doesn’t matter if I do or not!” I snapped. “You need this! We need this!”  
“But if I deny you anything, you would target the people I care about!”  
I leaned towards her, lowering my voice.  
“Why would you deny me anything?”

She shook her head at me and jumped out of bed, walking over to a chair. Then, without warning, she gave it a kick. It crashed to the floor.  
“Stop!” I ordered, getting on my feet.  
A fleeting look was all I got before she threw the chair into the wall with a piercing battle cry. 

“Why are you doing this?!” She shouted, before I had a chance to open my mouth. “What’s wrong with you?!”  
“I do what I have to!”  
“If you want me to detest you, you’re doing it just right!”

“ _You_ wrote that letter! _You_ betrayed my trust!” My voice had risen significantly. That letter was stuck in my mind, stinging like a poisoned knife.  
“What did you think would happen? That I would just give up on them forever? The only family I ever had?”  
“Family!” I hissed, clenching my teeth. “You… have no idea!”

“And you do? You left them!”  
“You think so? Just wait until they stab you in the back and twist the knife around!”  
“Why would they…”  
She stopped, frowning. Studying me.

This was dark and dangerous waters. She was not meant to enter them. A strange sickness rose in my throat. I nearly choked in the effort to press the memories down.  
“Enough.” I said, walking towards her.  
She took a step back, getting caught between me and the table. Big eyes searching mine. 

I towered over her, pressing close to feel her heat. There were rigors in me now, emerging from another source than the bond. I ran my hands down her arms.  
“It’s you and me now.” I whispered. “We’ll be a family.”  
Rey huffed in response, but kept looking at me in silence. She was on to something.

I challenged her with my own gaze, breaking through the surface of her thoughts to see what she thought she knew.  
A feverish flash pulsated from her core; of me grabbing her hips and taking her over the table.  
My original cause was dropped instantly.  
“I saw that.” I said. My voice had regained its strength.

“W-what?” Her face was gaining color fast.  
I took hold of her jaw as she tried to look away.  
“All you had to do was to ask for it. Turn around.”  
Hesitation. I closed my fingers around her wrists and guided her to turn.

Gently tucking the strands of loose hair behind her reddening ears, I kissed the top of her head.  
“Untie your trousers.”  
I felt her shock of desire as surely as if it had been my own. My hand was at the nape of her neck, stroking and then holding. The small fingers were shaking as they fumbled with the knot. Then the trousers came sliding down. 

I pulled the panties down to her thighs, listening to the change in her breath, feeling the heat from her blushing skin. Still holding her neck, I made her lean forward until her stomach lay flat against the table. No resistance. Just a trembling girl, losing the battle against herself.  
“Perfect.” I murmured, stroking her sway-back. “Now you stay like this until I’m done.”  
Then I unbuttoned my pants, grabbed her hips and drove in. 

She cried out; the rapture and dismay inseparable.  
I wanted her conflict- the tight moist heat with the burning shame, the small contractions as the pleasure mounted with mine, promising to throw her over the edge without mercy. Her flesh wanted mine, yes. But I needed more. Badly.

I let go of her hips and took hold of her waist to lean closer. Her belly moved in small circles against the table, the little it could. I was burning up from this, working her fiercely while sensing how delirious and overstimulated she was.  
“Don’t come yet.” I warned, as the first twitches was felt inside her.  
“Please!” She blurted out. “I can’t…I can’t…”

“Not until I tell you!”  
Wailing in agony, she tried and failed to obey me. Her climax contracted around me, forcing mine out. Snarling in frustration, I went with it, flying into the dazed visions with her.  
I wish I hadn’t.

She was disappointed in me, but most of all in herself. For not resisting the monster who threatened to hurt her friends. For wincing with pleasure every time I touched her, for needing the care and attention and the intimacy the bond meant. And wishing it would have happened with anyone but me. 

I drew out of her mind, letting her hair loose and burying my fingers in it, leaning closer.  
She was coming out of it gradually, blinking, giving me a quick glance before closing her eyes again. Reservation. But something else too. What had she seen?  
I separated my body from hers reluctantly and held her tightly as I sat down on the floor. As usual, there was no embrace back. Just a quiet acceptance.  
“Why did you have to write that message?” I murmured.  
“What?”

She broke loose from my arms and scrambled to her feet, pulling her pants up. I rose too. The wound was opening again, rearing its ugly head.  
“You think the problem is that message?” she spat. “You knew what was in it! I told you!”  
“About your plans to return to Luke? And promising that… that… _traitor_ eternal love?”  
“I _will_ be a Jedi!”

I scoffed.  
“And you’ll have him too, I suppose? Do you even know that Jedi swear an oath of abstinence? You don’t, do you? That means no physical pleasures and no intimate relationship with anyone.”  
A moment of silence. Momentary vulnerability.  
“I knew that.” She said.

“Oh, but I sense the doubt in you. The more you connect with others, the deeper this bond goes, the more you question Luke’s path. A very lonely one, I might add!”  
Her eyes told me I had hit a nerve.  
“And your path isn’t lonely? The only company you keep in here are droids! Everyone is staying away from you and for a good reason!”

Seconds passed as I fought to articulate a good comeback.  
“Well, you’re not.” I finally said. “Get your boots on.”  
“Why?”  
“I told you. We’re going for a walk. In the forest.”  
She didn’t question me any further. The boots came on with clenched teeth.

The walk out of the base was dominated by a tense silence. I had demanded that she left my rooms in shackles. Until we reached the exit hall, I also held her arm in a stern grip. There were numerous guards along the walls and outside the gates. None of them would get a glimpse of weakness from me.

There was a huge, jungle-like forest outside, covering most of the planet. Since we were hiding several bunkers, hangars and other buildings beneath the huge leaves, there were also a network of paths and roads between them.  
I chose one at random and pulled her along. Truth be told, I had not been out here much at all. I had imagined it too hot, but the air was strangely refreshing.

The smell of the green calmed the storm in my head. Rey had the same experience. She took several deep breaths, rising her gaze to the sunlit roof of thick branches and leaves.  
The moment we were at a safe distance from the guards and patrols, I let the cuffs fall from her wrists.  
“Do not waste this opportunity.” I said. “If you try anything…”  
“Hush.”  
She stood with her eyes closed, face serene as she inhaled and exhaled slowly.

All this wild and spectacular nature around us and Rey was the jewel in its center.  
I watched as a smile slowly spread on her face. Then she opened her eyes and looked directly at me. Pure light.  
“Where are we going?” She asked.  
“Wherever you want. I mean, within this forest.”

“Why are you letting me out?”  
“You need it. Don’t you?”  
She sighed and looked at her feet before starting to walk along the wide path. I joined beside her, allowing her to decide which direction to take.  
“You’re making everything difficult.” She murmured.

“Yeah? Well, sometimes, maybe I do.”  
She glanced at me, annoyance and amusement in her features.  
“I do need this.” She replied.  
I just nodded. We walked in silence for a while, listening to the sounds of strange creatures and the wind rustling through the leaves.

The nature around us got bolder and wilder the further from the base we came. Rey’s reservations softened with every sight of a new, strange plant or tree. Soon she was pointing at all discoveries with pink cheeks and shining eyes, a dazzling smile breaking out as she exclaimed “Look!” or “What’s this?”  
I wished that I had extensive knowledge about vegetation only to be able to impress her. 

We came across a large bush, covered with green, round leaves and blindingly white flowers. Huge, bright turquoise insects swarmed around it. Their eyes were large and shifted in all possible colors. So did the nearly transparent wings.  
Rey’s eyes widened. She closed in on the scenario with reverence, slowly stretching a hand out. Her fingertips touched the petal of a flower, brushing it gently.

I stood about seven feet away from her, just staring. I was truly a monster. There was indisputable beauty all around us and what did I do? Measuring the value of every tree we passed after how useful it would be to press her up against, ripping her clothes off...  
And she stood there like the purest thing, the bright insects circling around her like planets just discovering their sun. 

One of the insects landed on her shoulder. I envied it the smile it received.  
“Hello there.” She said, as if talking to a small child.  
I took a step towards her, but stopped. It was hard to shake the feeling of being the shadow of death. I might ruin her moment if I came closer. But I had not seen her this much at peace since I caught her. I wanted to be part of it, this moment of hers.

“We could go out here every day.” I said. “If you’d like.”  
Her eyes fixed on me for a second. Then she looked back at the insect, caressing its wings with a light touch.  
“I would love that.” She replied softly.  
_But you would not love me._

“Rey. There’s something I need to tell you.”  
_“Ow!”_  
The insect lifted, leaving a red mark on her shoulder. In a heartbeat, my lightsaber came out and slashed the creature in half, burning it to cinders.  
“Seriously!” She exclaimed, giving me an accusing glare. 

I began to defend my action, but only a few words came out before she staggered, grabbed her shoulder and fell backwards. I caught her and swept her up in my arms. She had become pale really fast, except for the red mark on the shoulder. It was swelling up, changing its color to a rotten purple.

“Rey!”  
No reply. Even her lips were losing color.  
_“Guards!”_ I roared. _“Guards!”_  
My heart was beating through my chest. I felt it, as if it was in my veins. The poison. No use screaming for guards. They were seemingly all deaf, judging from earlier experience.

I drew my com link out with one hand and called for a medic, giving away my coordinates through the device. Then I put a hand on her chest, concentrating. The venom was in her blood, running towards the heart too fast. And I did not know how to heal her.  
“No!” I whispered. “Stay with me!”

Though I had ordered the medics to be there in a blink of an eye, I began to run back along the road, pressing her close. The emergency speeder came towards us after what seemed like an eternity. Both humans and droids tended to her immediately as I jumped on board. I refused to let go as they put hoses and needles in her. 

The medics tried to answer the flood of questions I fired on them.  
They had no knowledge of what poison this was or if there was an antidote, but as soon they came to the lab they could analyze the blood. The soldiers stationed outside had taken a number of vaccines. There might have been a shot against this and then they would know how to stop it. Maybe.

I used a couple of minutes shouting at them, but the one I was really shouting at was myself. How could I have been this stupid? I had heard about the vaccines when we first moved to this planet. I didn’t pay much attention then, partly because I had no intentions of moving around outside and partly because of my affinity with the force. Healing skills or not, no simple venomous plant or insect would be my undoing, would it?

The moment we were inside, she was put on a bed in a sterile room at the medic’s department, connected to several machines. I sat on the bed with her still in my arms, shouting at everyone to proceed faster. My gloves were off and I stroked her forehead, feeling how the fever made her burn. It was so strong that I got dizzy from it.  
I couldn’t remember the last time I was afraid. But I was now.

Her rasping breaths, coming with effort from the hose that kept her throat from closing, the unsteady pulse and the lips turning blue… no. It could not end this way.  
I pressed a kiss to her face, put my hand on her swollen shoulder and concentrated. Every effort to heal or stop this with the force ended up in vain. My hand was trembling.  
All the choices I had ever made was hitting me with the power of a typhoon.

If Luke had not… if I had stayed there… if he hadn’t tried to kill me, I would have continued my Jedi education and learned all sort of healing skills. Then again, if I had stayed, I would never have risen to become the extended hand of Vader and Rey would never have been sent to balance me. She was my other half. If something happened to her and I survived, someone else might be sent to meet me. I did not want anyone else.

“Rey.” I whispered. “You have to keep breathing no matter what. I won’t let you go. I promise. I’ll do better. I swear.”  
The medics came rushing with a set of shots. I felt her discomfort as the thick needles penetrated the veins in her arm. She was nearly unconscious and unable to move, but the connection between us was still open. I sent her whatever strength I had, hoping it would somehow ease the pain.

Holding my breath, I watched as the medics finished and studied her face intensely.  
“Nothing is happening.” I said. “How long will this take?”  
The two medics exchanged glances. Not good.  
“We will have to wait for a while, my lord.” One of them said. “To give it time to work.”  
“How long?! It does work, doesn’t it?”

The one who had spoken swallowed. I scanned their minds. They were not sure this would work at all. But they had no other solution. The poison had spread too far. Fifty-fifty chance.  
“Leave us!” I snarled. Stay right outside this door in case I need you. If you move, I will tear you to pieces, slowly!”

They were more than happy to oblige. Only two droids stayed, lingering in the background.  
I put my forehead against hers. How warm it was.  
I kissed her again and stroked her forehead and cheeks.  
“You need to live. You understand that, don’t you? You’re supposed to face me and kill me in battle. I’m the one who’s supposed to be defeated, not you.”

Why did I say that? It was as if a deeper truth connected with me. Something I had known all along.  
“But it can be different.” I continued. “We can ignore all that. You and I… we’ll have a child together. We could turn everything around.”  
The child. My master’s words. It had not truly sunk in until now.

Barely twenty years of age and she had already had several lifetimes of misery.  
Parents abandoning her, thugs and thieves competing for food and water, forcing her to fight them, to stay in solitude. No one could be trusted.  
Then this. The promise of a new life and a central role to play in the struggle for the galaxy.  
She was needed by people who cared about her, who she thought could be trusted.

Maybe I wasn’t what she had hoped for, but there was this promise of a family of her own hanging in the balance. And I had captured her and threatened to hurt her friends, keeping her in constant fear of what I could do. Was I ready to twist the knife and leave her over for my master to use, taking our newborn child from her arms? Again, sickness rose in my throat.  
It was my child too. Why would my master even ask such a thing?

I had been an idiot.  
“Rey… you know I would never really hurt your friends, right? Even if they’re the enemy, I couldn’t. Because I know that you would never forgive me. And you… you are all that matters to me.”  
I paused, stunned by the truth in what I had said. 

I lost track of time as I sat there. The night lights were lit. My arms ached, but I would not let her go. The familiar fever had risen as well, making me dizzy. Her body had become warmer and flushed with fever. The bond was meddling, making her ill on top of the poisoning. This could mean her undoing if nothing was done. But how could I?

“I won’t take advantage of you.” I murmured. “But I need to make sure you stay alive. The bond is making it worse.”  
I stroked her belly softly and lifted her tunic to bare the knot on her pants. I untied it with the force, sneaking my hand down underneath her panties. This would have to be done very gently, teasing it out of her slowly. 

I kissed her mouth lightly, working with my fingers carefully, caressing and prodding until I felt the tiny pulsating contractions. Her breathing became unstable. Then she drew a shaking sigh. I kissed her face repeatedly, holding her closer. I was so hard it hurt, but involving her in my release right now was not an option. As the rigors warned me about my fever rising, thousands of small droplets on her skin signaled that hers was breaking.

I drew a sigh of relief and ordered a droid to fetch me a wet cloth and a dry towel. I wiped the sweat off her skin with slow, careful moves.  
“There.” I said. “Now, you have to come back to me. Please. I’ll do anything.”  
Then I waited, never taking my eyes off her.

When the night lights went off and daylight came through the small round windows, I had to fight to remain conscious. The fever had gone out of control and it did not help holding her this close. But I had to hold on. For her.  
A deeper instinct told me that staying physically close together was beneficial. It helped her to gain strength from me.

The droids changed the nutrition pods on her arm. I felt the sting as a new needle was put in place.  
“My Rey.” I whispered. “If you go now, we go together. I’d be relieved to follow you. But it’s not your time. You have to wake up.”  
Were her eyelashes trembling?

“Wake up.” I repeated. “Wake up!”  
I saw it. Fingers fighting to reach the hose leading down her throat. A stifled cough.  
_“Medics!”_  
They came stumbling in at once, dark rings around their eyes, drawing the hose out from her mouth.

I was handed a metal bowl and turned her to the side as she began to vomit. I held her head. When she was done, I wiped her mouth gently with the towel.  
One of the medics held a glass of water to her lips. I took it from him immediately and helped her to take small sips.

She was breathing on her own. Barely moving, but alive. And better. I sensed it as surely as I sensed the bond.  
“I’ll make sure you get everything you need to recover.” I whispered. “I won’t leave your side.”  
The room was getting blurry. 

“She will need a lot of rest, My Lord.” A medic said. “It will take time for the poison to leave her system.”  
“Then get to it.” I said. “Give me all information I need. She’ll recover in my rooms. The droids will stay with us there until they are no longer needed.”  
“Yes, My Lord.”

They went in to an adjacent room where the drugs and shots were kept. I was slowly sinking back towards the pillow, with her still in my arms. The room was spinning and the rigors came with brutal intensity.  
Her head laid heavy on my chest. A hand moved slowly and shakily over my crotch, disappearing under the lining of my trousers. 

I couldn’t shape even one word. It didn’t take long until her gentle strokes gave me the disintegrating, explosive release.  
We curled up close together, panting, with our foreheads touching.  
A surge of affection came through the bond and drowned out everything else.

“I… heard you.” Her whisper was hoarse and barely audible. “I knew you… were in there… somewhere.”  
My identity laid scattered in all corners of the room. I needed to defend what I had said to her in that bed, but I couldn’t. We both knew. 

A tear trailed down her cheek.  
“I saw it.” She continued. “Luke…what he did. I’m sorry.”  
Her face creased. More tears.  
“Don’t think about it now.” I whispered, putting her head under my chin, cradling her. “Just rest.”

I really wanted to avoid the subject, despite the dark relief it gave me that she knew. That she had seen my uncle for what he was. But she was still too weak to be exposed to more disappointment.  
“I’ll take care of you.” I murmured. “You’ll have your health back soon. Until then, everything else can wait.”  
Including my proposal to her, as frustrating as it was. 

She buried her face in my neck. Slowly, her mind was opening up to me. A warm, tentative gesture of invitation.  
I accepted and stepped in.  
There was no disappointment now. Instead her annoyance with me had been replaced with a bleeding, desperate need. 

She had seen a father in Luke, as she so naturally did with all older men. Now the trust between them was shattered and a huge emptiness was spreading in her, eating all in its way.  
Was I going to use it? Give her the comfort and authority she longed for until she was too dependent on me to let go?  
Of course I was. 

Not only did I need her as much as I needed oxygen to breathe. I longed to have a place to put all that I felt for her, to let her know my appreciation of her presence in my life.  
And there was no way- _no way_ \- that I’d let my master hurt her.


End file.
